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Here! Remember that from school? The teacher would call the roll and you'd wait anxiously for your name to say..here or present. It was your way of letting the teacher and the class know that you were present and accounted for. I am here! Count me!
And then you begin to live life and there's no roll call..there's no attendance monitor..there's noone to say are you here and ARE YOU PRESENT? You are here..in the stuff of life but are you present? Are you living in the present?
See when the teacher said your name he/she wasn't asking if you were present in the past or in the future....they were asking if you were present...IN THE NOW.
So are you present in the now? Are you in attendance today or did you show up sometime in the past or in the future? The present is right here and in our faces but it's one of the most difficult places to be in. To be in the present means to allow the past to be..just that..the past. And it means to allow the future to be what it will be....an act yet to occur.
But in the present we are alive..we are in motion..we are deciding and living and breathing and being right in the moment.
Let's practice the art of living in the present. Living in the moment that we are in. Understanding that our past affects us and knowing that what we do today could influence tomorrow but in the moment we are....We are just that..in the moment.
In the moment we have all the power. To shape right now and give birth to tomorrow. But enjoy right now..where you are..who you are...for tomorrow and the next day and the past days were all moments....
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I need a vacay...


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I've been thinking. There are times that I want to speak to a certain friend of mine and I can't. I call her..often..and she may not return my calls. I may text her and she doesn't respond. She has a lot going on in her life and I understand this. But when I think about it this has been our pattern for many years. She is always just a bit out of reach. And she's the one I tend to share my most deepest hurts and fears and needs with. She's the one I tend to get very naked with. But she's hard to reach. And when this happens it hurts my feelings. I thought about it today...because I felt I needed her.. but then I realized something.

I have people in my life who I can get naked with.

I have friends who I can cry to..cry with..share the parts of me that are so raw and ugly but they'll still love me. But because she's always been the one that I turned to FIRST I felt she's the only one or the main one that I can go to. But that's not true. I have such a loving and warm circle of friends who I can turn to when I feel.....

And isn't it the same thing in our relationships? We want that person SO badly who we think is the only person who will fulfill our desires/needs. And that person is pseudo available or that person doesn't or can't provide for us in the way that we need it or want it. And despite the fact that there may be someone else who can and will we stay STUCK waiting for THAT person to give us something they never will.

I'm going to start letting go and I mean really letting go of my expectations with my friend. I will always love her. She will always be very close to my heart but I have to see the reality of the situation and that is that I will continue to be disappointed by her.

I have all that I need and want and I need to open my eyes to that reality.
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My love and I often speak about being totally honest and truthful with one another. We like to discuss the utopia of having a relationship like a friendship where you can be your true self like you are with your friends. And we like to believe that we have that or something close to it. But as I pondered that today it occurred to me that the reason we don't show up totally naked in a relationship as we may do with our friends is because we don't want our mates to see that side of us. You know..the side that's not "your best side." The side that is really insecure, the side that you take to your friends to ask questions that may seem ridiculous and slightly crazy to your mate but to your friends totally reasonable. You don't want your mate to see that side of you that quivers with fear that they'll leave and find someone more...more of whatever it is you're insecure about. You don't want them to see the side that is healing and still damaged from childhood haunts. Now eventually these sides do show up in one form or the other. But we usually go to our friends to filter them first. So if you showed up completely naked in this way to your mate could they handle it? Could they handle seeing you without your "big girl face on." Without your "I have it mostly together" bravado that you try and wear? I try to show up this naked in my relationship but it is hard. It's scary becasue suppose he doesn't like what he sees?
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So this is it…this is what it feels like to be in love. The act of letting go. Of simply stretching your heart out and not feeling afraid of where you may land. It feels so good. Everywhere.
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Do you believe in unicorns? What about gold at the end of rainbows? I know this woman who is so supernatural she allows me to believe in fairy tales and happily ever after endings. She is sweet. Like raw sugar cane sweet. She is pure. Like distilled water pure. She is good. Like oatmeal and 8 glasses of water per day good. She is truly amazing. She is giving. She is an asset to anyone and I mean anyone that has the pleasure of knowing her. Sometimes she doesn't know her worth and is unaware that she is a rare breed. Sometimes she questions herself because she doesn't fit into the mold of "how things should be." But I love her. Deeply. She is my older sister, Dr.Sharon Michael. A woman who looks like me who I find most beautiful.
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Sometimes you/I have to say sorry. Apologizing is a healing salve. It allows you to move forward in your journey and helps others to do the same thing. It is a very humbling task to apologize. It strips you of arrogance and your self deceit. It uncovers you and allows you to be naked and vulnerable. Say it and see how you feel...I'm sorry. And on the receiving end it is like getting tucked in by someone you love. It helps you to feel secure and safe and believe in life. Saying sorry..allowing yourself to apologize opens the door to a new life.

I apologized to my ex-husband tonight for not respecting him during our marriage.

What have you recently apologized for.....
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i love that even before we are touching
we have touched
in parts unimaginable
in places so sacred
like our hearts and minds.
i love that
we are always creating internally
which creates external
explosions.
i love that
he loves me.
i love him.
we are in this together.
which makes me
love
my sex life.

for information on how to obtain a tee like this please email me at ebutterfly73@yahoo.com
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Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans. ~Peter F. Drucker

I ran across this quote this morning while doing my daily research. It struck me. It made me think, is this why women, me in particular, are so desirous of marriage? ...only promises and hopes, but no plans....I don't want an endless supply of promises and a fountain of hope. I want the plan. I want the action that is implied in the commitment of marriage. We are together taking action, being in motion, to uphold our promises and hopes to each other. We are making plans for the future. Of course we hope and pray that they work out but we have a commitment that we will stay together to work it out. That is what a good/healthy marriage is to me. It is that commitment to the commitment. It is the commitment that you don't have to wonder what happens next. Will he honor his promise or will he honor his commitment?
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From one of my favorite websites www.smartmarriages.com:

Diane Sollee
Love Lessons from the Smart Marriages® ConferenceDiane Sollee
We know communication is important, but just how do we do it? The Daily Temperature Reading, created by Virginia Satir, is a step-by-step guide to getting it right. Practice for a month and soon the behaviors will become habits. Do them all - even if at first they seem artificial or corny. These simple but crucial skills can make the difference between misery and happiness.

Appreciations: Share five things you appreciate about each other. These can range from the simple "I like your smile" to the sublime "I like it that you were able to kiss and make up after I forgot to pick you up last night." Appreciations build up credit in the love bank. It can be a nice surprise to realize just how much our partners notice and appreciate.

Wishes, Hopes, and Dreams: Describe three things you hope for in the long run ("I hope to complete a marathon by the time I'm 40") and in the short run ("This week-end I'd like to spend a half-hour alone with my dad when he visits.") A partner who understands your dreams is able to help them happen. Remember that hopes change as we go along and it's important to keep each other current.

New Information: We often forget to update our partner about a change in plans or circumstances. We tell people at work or a family member and think we've told our spouse. Make the daily updates a ritual. Information like "The dentist said Bobby won't need braces after all" or "I'll have to be in San Francisco an extra day" is crucial to staying in-synch and feeling connected.

Puzzles: Clear-up big or little mysteries before they become suspicions, jealousy, false assumptions, or resentments. Most "puzzles" have simple explanations. "You promised you'd water the tomatoes before you left this morning. What happened?" "The water was turned off. Was it back on when you got up?" You have to ask.

Complaints with Request for Change: Get in the habit of saying what you want rather than what you don't want. Describe a specific behavior that bothers you and explain how you'd like it done. Instead of "I get furious when you call and don't leave a message," say, "Honey, when you call and get the machine, please don't say 'It's me' and hang up. Say why you're calling, and when you'll call back, or be home, or whatever it was you were calling to tell me." If you forget to say why you were calling. Call back. Even if it's long distance. It's an inexpensive investment in your marriage. Cheaper than a dozen roses.

copyright, CMFCE, smartmarriages.com
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Isn't that an interesting saying? "I'm just keeping it real." We all know women who are known for keeping it real. I can think of a few that stand out. For example, NeNe or Sheree from the Real Housewives of Atlanta are famous for knowing how to keep it real. What does that even mean? Are you keeping it real because you know how to be direct? Are you keeping it real because you tell it like it is? Are you real because "this is just how you are and folks who don't like it can leave you alone?" So when you don't fit into one of those categories does that mean you don't keep it real?

I challenge you to explore this saying and what it means...
Keeping it real also involves being real about yourself. Not just about others but you...(look at that finger pointing towards you). It can mean being honest about who you really are and what your character defects are. Being able not just to tell someone how it is and how it should be but also being able to say..i'm selfish..i'm greedy..i lie too...i'm insecure. Be direct to yourself about yourself. Keep it real with yourself about who you are. And if keeping it real means telling it like it is and expecting that your friends/family/mate should be honest then you have to be that. Keep it real by telling your spouse you cheated on them; you've had inappropriate conversations or nights out. Keep it real with your friends that sometimes you don't answer the phone because you didn't want to talk to them. After all...it's keeping it real..right?

Let's try to be less arrogant about how real we keep it. We tend to do this especially in our relationships. We wear our badge of honor. I keep it real. I'm always honest. Why can't you? But in that statement you are not really being honest. Be still for a moment and think. Turn off the cell phone, turn off the t.v. and get into a meditative place. Think about the things that you may not have exposed..now think about how real you've really been.

This is not to pass judgment on those who relish in their realness. It's for us to examine what we expect from others and our capacity or willingness to meet those expectations ourselves.

check this hilarious example of how keeping it real can go wrong!
http://www.dumpalink.com/videos/Comedy-When-Keeping-it-Real-goes-Wrong-bcb2.html
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Yums, his best friend and my nephew


It is clear that my 9 year old is growing into his manhood..his maschismo..he is getting his swagger. This is evidenced by his love of skinny jeans and the way he transforms into this adolescent with confidence when he puts them on. It's the most interesting thing to see. Just the other day, it seems, he was holding my hand and wanting to sit on my lap and sleep in my bed (still wants that). But now he is practicing all the latest dance steps..the jerk, the moon walk. He is rapping along with the profanity edited Jay Z album. In other words, he is cool. Imagine that...my Yums, Cool....





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  1. character development
  2. insight
  3. honesty
  4. discipline
  5. responsibility
  6. self reflection
  7. laughter
  8. kisses
  9. hugs
  10. affirmations
  11. essential oils
  12. saying i love you
  13. hearing i love you
  14. tears when necessary
  15. smiles
  16. a hot cup of coffee
  17. lessons
  18. a good book
  19. great conversation
  20. love
  21. peace
  22. great intimacy
  23. passion
  24. making love
  25. adventure
  26. committment
  27. ...........

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I had a lovely gathering in my home today. A wonderful and eclectic group of beautiful women met for us to have a get together called "Conversations with Wine." We had all types of wine from moscato to merlot. I made sangria for the first time and it was splendid. I really enjoyed myself. But what I enjoyed most was the energy of the meeting. There we were...honest, open, fluid....about ourselves, our needs, our desires. Admitting to our shortcomings and sharing our dreams for the future. It wasn't about tearing other people down, although we did indulge in some reality tv gossip! It was about empowering through a healthy communal gathering.
Thank you to all of the women who shared this experience with me today and I look forward to more like it.
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What we put into our bodies manifests outwardly. When I am consuming too much of the so good but so toxic foods (coffee, alcohol, processed foods) I feel it in my bones. I notice that I am so lethargic and cranky. I feel just a little under the weather and would describe my health as fair at best. But when I am being the organic, lavender and butterfly girl that I am and consume healthy foods that are alive I feel...well..alive! My energy is reminiscent of college days, my skin is clearer, the bags are gone from under my eyes and I am able to accomplish so much! So what I realize is that what I put in will come out one way or the other.
So what I put in my mind/in my head will come out in my behavior, huh? What I think about the most... What I believe to be true will manifest in the decisions that I make, the company I keep, the behavior that I show. If I have toxic thoughts on a regular basis I will view the world that way. If I know that I know in my thoughts that people are unable to be faithful I will see that in all of my relationships. I didn't say some..I said ALL! If I don't believe that I can have better or do better I never will.
So I have to be careful of what I put both in my body/my temple and my head.....
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I love looking at older couples. You know the type. There shoulders are slightly slouched. They are holding wrinkled hands and walking slowly together. They look like commitment. But I always wonder what they still talk about after 20, 30, 40...50 years together. I'm sure they complete each other's sentences and can likely guess what the other is thinking. I wonder if they maintained a sense of self during their relationship? Did they continue to read and learn or participate in life and in that way stay interesting and intriguing to their mates? Sometimes we become so enmeshed with our partners that we lose a sense of who we are or we forget to do things that are not only interesting to us but will keep us interesting to our spouses. I believe in doing so you will continue to have things to talk about. You will still have fascinating stories to share and little jokes between the two of you. Keep dancing or singing or baking or running or starting your own publishing company or coffee shop or...whatever it is. You'll always have a story to share with the one you love.
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Sometimes I get on my "checking people out" craze where I stare at the left hand of men and women to see if they are wearing a wedding ring. I do this because I'm slightly obsessed with marriage..the idea of marriage...and the forever inquiry into the status of one's marriage. I immediately start to wonder if they're happy and/or how long they've been married. Are they cheating? What made them decide to take the plunge? Then I look at the size of the diamonds on women's rings and my mind goes into a tailspin. Does the size of the diamond reflect how much love is in the relationship? 1 carat = i kinda love you. i do.....2 carats = i love you a lot. 3 carats and more = i am sooooo in love with you..? is that accurate? so if you don't have diamonds does it mean you're not that into the relationship..or not that ready for marriage? if you had a choice would you choose a larger diamond and fair marriage or smaller diamond and larger than life marriage or do you have to choose? The size of the diamond isn't going to reflect the committment in the relationship, the communication that is developed, the loyalty or the friendship. If we believe that a larger ring will measure the success of the relationship then you've already started out with surface expectations. I'm not suggesting you shouldn't have a large diamond..if that's what you want and what your mate can afford. But do understand that if you and your mate work as hard or more on developing the skills to make a successful marriage as you do on acquiring the "bling bling" you won't have to choose between the two.....
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Things I have found in the laundry...pens, gum,toy rodents or reptiles that scare me half to death, candy, money, erasers, rubber bands, toys, raisins, notes..and notebooks. I remind my son to empty his pockets before he places his clothes in the hamper and I try to remember to check those pockets before I begin the laundry. But more often than not once I start taking clothes out of the dryer I am met with all sorts of little surprises. This morning it was a FULL PACK of Big Red Gum! Hmm...even if I don't check for these things they will show up eventually. Like in life. The things we try and hide or subtly forget eventually show up. The parts of us that we want to hide will without question appear in our relationships.

It goes to show that instead of hiding we should start cleaning. The areas of our lives that need to be cleared before we transition we need to take out, examine and let go of. Sometimes the things in our pockets are things we need...like pens or important receipts...so we place them away carefully. But other times they are things that have no value..an old gum wrapper..a half eaten candy bar...we can discard of those things. The parts of our character that can continue to hinder us we need to let go of...and the parts of ourselves that add to our growth we take care of carefully. It's all going to show up eventually anyway. You might as well take care of it today.
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That I love my mate. I love HIM.
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Why is it so difficult to make the necessary steps for growth? Why is it so hard? Why can't we remain in the same spot, doing the same things...that is so comfortable. That is warm and familiar. Change is allowing yourself as well as others to be uncomfortable. It's making that decision to experience discomfort. I'd rather continue to pretend to be someone I'm not for the sake of my family so when they're around I'll wear my "family mask" while grinning and bearing it. What's so scary about being yourself? What's so wrong with saying, I'm not going to do it this way any longer. Yes, it may offend others. I may seem rebellious or something but I HAVE TO DO THIS. I have to do something differently. It's a mandatory part of life. If you don't experience change you experience a life that is rotting. A smelly existence. You're stagnating in one spot. Change is not an easy process. It's not an over night experience. It will take time. Not all the time in the world...for time is not promised. So YOU HAVE to make up your mind to act on your change. Do it. Don't procrastinate until you're in a comfortable position...starting today. Not tomorrow. Today..begin the process of change.
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Having spent an entire summer with children almost every single day has given me a much more profound appreciation for patience, time off, and peace. Of course with children come a dozen questions, one of the more popular being...are we there yet? This question may be asked as we are driving out of the driveway...going onto the highway..just up the street...it doesn't matter; the question will get asked....where are we going..and are we there yet? Just like me..just like us in relationships. Are we there yet? Where are we going? Have we arrived? The complex joy of a car ride is the journey...the destination is great but it's the experience of getting there. As in a relationship it's the journey that is so exquisite..it's the memories that are formed and embedded in the safest part of your being. It's the time together and the kisses for no reason. It's the connection and the delight in being with your reflection that makes it all worth it. At times we get insane wanting to know just when exactly we will get to our destination in the relationship. Maybe where you are is your destination. Maybe the next step of....living together...getting married...having children..is the destination. The journey will reveal what your destination is. When you are driving to the store you know where you're going and you head in that direction...sometimes accidents or traffic causes your trip to go slower or completely derails it but you figure out a different route or head to a different store. So when you are loved and being loved you hope to have the same destination in mind. Be sure that you both do. Otherwise you may be headed to the altar..and your mate is not. You may have to try a different way of doing things/looking at things or you may simply have to go in a completely different direction with a completely different person. You will get to your destination but as you do enjoy the journey.....
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Isn't it a delightful surprise when you make up your bed or are taking sheets off of your bed and discover some panties (naughty word :-) in your sheets..crumpled up somewhere. It's a reminder that you had the experience of having them removed and flung off to the side..of having breath in your ear...of new parts being discovered..and old spots being ignited....it's the sound of "i missed you" in the air...memories of fingers interwined...time lost in the balance...the reminder that you were being loved.
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Bring Meaning To Your Sexual Experiences
By Carolynn Aristone, MSW, LCSW
By Mar 5 2008 - 5:07am
Mindfulness has become a popular buzz word in the worlds of therapy, yoga and even medical practices. However, the practice of mindfulness dates back thousands of years in ancient eastern traditions. What exactly is mindfulness and how do we apply it?Mindfulness means staying present to the here-and-now experience. So often, our minds ruminate about the past or remain future-oriented in planning for the next hour, day or year. In our hurried society, one easily gets lost in this past-future shuffle and loses the most precious moment – the “now”. If you identify with this past-future shuffle then you know how this feels. Often, thoughts that dwell in the past conjure up feelings of anger, resentment, sadness, guilt, shame – or even joy. Future-oriented thinking can bring about anxiety, stress, frustration or excitement. When you stay in the past or future, you lose your current experience, the experience that you have the most control over. So, how does this translate to the bedroom?Being stuck in the past-future shuffle in the bedroom robs you of your full presence to be with your partner (or with yourself). During foreplay, you may be thinking about the laundry that needs to get done or the report that’s due for work. Meanwhile, with your mind in those places, you lose the opportunity to fully feel your partner’s presence with you, to feel their caress, their kiss, their body heat, their sounds, their eye contact, their skin and hair textures, their breath on your skin. You can easily lose contact with some of the most important details occuring in the present. These precious details make up a large part of our sexual pleasure. Unfortunately, most couples find themselves squeezing in time for sex, with a sole purpose of orgasm, then quickly heading out the door to attend to their to-do list. It is as if we take our present moment and the opportunity for sexual pleasure for granted.How often do you give yourself the time to savor the foreplay, to notice those electrical moments, those small details that only you share with your partner? Give yourself the gift of truly being together. Start gently. Pick a week to carve out 2 hours for sexual mindfulness practice. Grant yourself permission to let go of your thoughts and your to-do list and focus instead on the sensation of being with each other. Notice what the experience feels like for you, whether it feels difficult or easy – without judgement on yourself. Simply become aware and take the time to talk about your experience afterward. What did you like/dislike about it? What was your favorite aspect? Do you want to try the activity again?Savor in the simplicity of mindfulness. It will heighten and enhance your life experiences.Tips for a Mindful PracticeWhile it may sound simple, mindfulness practice will challenge you, hence the emphasis on the word practice. Practicing mind-fulness requires patience, non-judgement and discipline. Below you will find a simple exercise to help you practice mindfulness during an everyday activity. Try this before applying it to the bedroom. For some people, food can be syn-onymous with sex so start your practice with the following exercise.Try this exercise before applying mindfulness to the bedroom!Mindful EatingOn your own or with your partner, make your favorite dish. If you’d like, create a slight ambience – music, candles. Set aside time to eat slowly and easily.When you sit to eat, visually take in the dish. Notice the colors in your food. Smell the aroma rising from your plate. Notice the sensations in your mouth – is it watering? Notice if you feel like diving into the food and whether or not you feel frustrated with slower movement. Taste the first bite slowly. Move the food around your mouth, chew gently, savor all of the flavors. Notice the texture of the food in your mouth and as you swallow. Stay present. Take another bite.Continue to use all of your senses for a profound eating experience. Then imagine adapting this to the bedroom where your partner becomes your favorite dish!
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10 Surprising Health Benefits of Sex
The health benefits of sex extend well beyond the bedroom. Turns out sex is good for you in ways you may never have imagined.
By Kathleen DohenyWebMD Feature
Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD

When you're in the mood, it's a sure bet that the last thing on your mind is boosting your immune system or maintaining a healthy weight. Yet good sex offers those health benefits and more.
That's a surprise to many people, says Joy Davidson, PhD, a New York psychologist and sex therapist. "Of course, sex is everywhere in the media," she says. "But the idea that we are vital, sexual creatures is still looked at in some cases with disgust or in other cases a bit of embarrassment. So to really take a look at how our sexuality adds to our life and enhances our life and our health, both physical and psychological, is eye-opening for many people."
Sex does a body good in a number of ways, according to Davidson and other experts. The benefits aren't just anecdotal or hearsay -- each of these 10 health benefits of sex is backed by scientific scrutiny.
Among the benefits of healthy loving in a relationship:
1. Sex Relieves Stress
A big health benefit of sex is lower blood pressure and overall stress reduction, according to researchers from Scotland who reported their findings in the journal Biological Psychology. They studied 24 women and 22 men who kept records of their sexual activity. Then the researchers subjected them to stressful situations -- such as speaking in public and doing verbal arithmetic -- and noted their blood pressure response to stress.
Those who had intercourse had better responses to stress than those who engaged in other sexual behaviors or abstained.
Another study published in the same journal found that frequent intercourse was associated with lower diastolic blood pressure in cohabiting participants. Yet other research found a link between partner hugs and lower blood pressure in women.
2. Sex Boosts Immunity
Good sexual health may mean better physical health. Having sex once or twice a week has been linked with higher levels of an antibody called immunoglobulin A or IgA, which can protect you from getting colds and other infections. Scientists at Wilkes University in Wilkes-Barre, Pa., took samples of saliva, which contain IgA, from 112 college students who reported the frequency of sex they had.
Those in the "frequent" group -- once or twice a week -- had higher levels of IgA than those in the other three groups -- who reported being abstinent, having sex less than once a week, or having it very often, three or more times weekly.
3. Sex Burns Calories
Thirty minutes of sex burns 85 calories or more. It may not sound like much, but it adds up: 42 half-hour sessions will burn 3,570 calories, more than enough to lose a pound. Doubling up, you could drop that pound in 21 hour-long sessions.
"Sex is a great mode of exercise," says Patti Britton, PhD, a Los Angeles sexologist and president of the American Association of Sexuality Educators and Therapists. It takes work, from both a physical and psychological perspective, to do it well, she says.
4. Sex Improves Cardiovascular Health
While some older folks may worry that the efforts expended during sex could cause a stroke, that's not so, according to researchers from England. In a study published in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health, scientists found frequency of sex was not associated with stroke in the 914 men they followed for 20 years.
And the heart health benefits of sex don't end there. The researchers also found that having sex twice or more a week reduced the risk of fatal heart attack by half for the men, compared with those who had sex less than once a month.
5. Sex Boosts Self-Esteem
Boosting self-esteem was one of 237 reasons people have sex, collected by University of Texas researchers and published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior.
That finding makes sense to Gina Ogden, PhD, a sex therapist and marriage and family therapist in Cambridge, Mass., although she finds that those who already have self-esteem say they sometimes have sex to feel even better. "One of the reasons people say they have sex is to feel good about themselves," she tells WebMD. "Great sex begins with self-esteem, and it raises it. If the sex is loving, connected, and what you want, it raises it."
6. Sex Improves Intimacy
Having sex and orgasms increases levels of the hormone oxytocin, the so-called love hormone, which helps us bond and build trust. Researchers from the University of Pittsburgh and the University of North Carolina evaluated 59 premenopausal women before and after warm contact with their husbands and partners ending with hugs. They found that the more contact, the higher the oxytocin levels.
"Oxytocin allows us to feel the urge to nurture and to bond," Britton says.
Higher oxytocin has also been linked with a feeling of generosity. So if you're feeling suddenly more generous toward your partner than usual, credit the love hormone.
7. Sex Reduces Pain
As the hormone oxytocin surges, endorphins increase, and pain declines. So if your headache, arthritis pain, or PMS symptoms seem to improve after sex, you can thank those higher oxytocin levels.
In a study published in the Bulletin of Experimental Biology and Medicine, 48 volunteers who inhaled oxytocin vapor and then had their fingers pricked lowered their pain threshold by more than half.
8. Sex Reduces Prostate Cancer Risk
Frequent ejaculations, especially in 20-something men, may reduce the risk of prostate cancer later in life, Australian researchers reported in the British Journal of Urology International. When they followed men diagnosed with prostate cancer and those without, they found no association of prostate cancer with the number of sexual partners as the men reached their 30s, 40s, and 50s.
But they found men who had five or more ejaculations weekly while in their 20s reduced their risk of getting prostate cancer later by a third.
Another study, reported in the Journal of the American Medical Association, found that frequent ejaculations, 21 or more a month, were linked to lower prostate cancer risk in older men, as well, compared with less frequent ejaculations of four to seven monthly.
9. Sex Strengthens Pelvic Floor Muscles
For women, doing a few pelvic floor muscle exercises known as Kegels during sex offers a couple of benefits. You will enjoy more pleasure, and you'll also strengthen the area and help to minimize the risk of incontinence later in life.
To do a basic Kegel exercise, tighten the muscles of your pelvic floor, as if you're trying to stop the flow of urine. Count to three, then release.
10. Sex Helps You Sleep Better
The oxytocin released during orgasm also promotes sleep, according to research.
And getting enough sleep has been linked with a host of other good things, such as maintaining a healthy weight and blood pressure. Something to think about, especially if you've been wondering why your guy can be active one minute and snoring the next.
Egypt
This tea below is the truth.....you can get it in any health food store. It tastes great and whether you need it or not provides a lil more excitement when you're doing your thing..... "My husband and I always make time for sex! Always! No matter how busy we are. And if I told you the places! You would not even believe!" ...jada pinkett smith – says in the September issue of Good Housekeeping, on sale Aug. 11. "It's crazy the risks that we take," says Pinkett Smith, 37, "but that's what keeps it so much fun." Adds the star... "It's been eye-opening how much the connection between my husband and me has deepened." Still, Pinkett Smith says sometimes even she's surprised by the longevity of her marital union. "I never thought that I'd be married to anybody, and I surely never thought that I'd be married to anybody as long as I've been married to him. And I plan on being married to him for the rest of my life."
Egypt
rachelle ferrell, a fabulous singer, has a song in which she sings...i'm still waiting...for you to be mine...patiently waiting...baby for the right time...every time i hear it i get chills. i was waiting...patiently..for the right time...for my love to materialize. and did he ever. he is my beloved in whom i am so very well pleased. he is my protector. my anchor. i waited for h.im...the one who'd know my needs and work to have them met. the one who'd surprise me to see me smile. she sings.."boy i've been watching you for so long...and i like what i see..." that's how it was with us. my friend and companion for forever. my love today. i am grateful beyond description for my love. for his imperfections and human frailty. i am loving him in unimaginable ways. patience led the way to this gift of my love....
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Egypt
Temptation - dress rehearsal for a negative karmic event; an opportunity for you to choose differently before you create destructive and painful consequences.
Egypt
Don't be afraid to give your best to what seemingly are small jobs. Every time you conquer one it makes you that much stronger. If you do the little jobs well, the big ones will tend to take care of themselves. ~Dale Carnegie

Fall seven times, stand up eight. ~Japanese Proverb

Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another. ~Walter Elliott, The Spiritual Life

People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them. ~G.B. Shaw, Mrs. Warren's Profession, 1893

Keep on going, and the chances are that you will stumble on something, perhaps when you are least expecting it. I never heard of anyone ever stumbling on something sitting down. ~Charles F. Kettering

Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist but the ability to start over. ~F. Scott Fitzgerald

...I want to know if you can live with failureyours and mineand still stand at the edge of the lakeand shout to the silver of the full moon,"Yes."...~© Oriah Mountain Dreamer, The Invitation, http://www.oriahmountaindreamer.com/

Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go. ~William Feather
Egypt
I want to be remembered as a lady. I know what defines a lady is subjective but it's what I want people to remember me as. Someone who crossed her legs and sat straight up without thinking about it. Someone who wore dresses on a random Tuesday or Friday in December, March or June. Someone who cried when things made me happy and wasn't embarrased to cry when things made me sad. Someone who believed in appropriate behavior at the table (use your napkin, no belching or passing gas, use your cutlery). Someone who would send thank you cards frequently and seldom forgot a birthday. Someone who believed it was important to start the day with Goodmorning and end the day with Goodnight. Someone who smelled like lavender most times. There are probably a ton of things that I am forgetting or don't come to mind at the moment. But it's important that this is how my loved ones and family will remember me....
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Egypt
As much as I strive to be the woman I was called/created to be I'm not perfect. And it's not that I thought I was on a conscious level but on some level arrogance permitted me to think I was damn near...I guess. But conversations which can lead to insight...is a powerful thing. It knocks you off of your pedestal and allows you to fall flat onto and into reality. See I'm a really easy going, laid back, lavender and butterflies kind of woman. I love easily. I love family. I belive in relationships. I believe in people. Maybe all on a surface level. But when you dig a bit deeper and pry open the layers you see the imperfections. You see the gaping wounds that still need lavendar salve to help them heal. This acknowledgment can only help me. It can only be my catalyst to Open my Eyes to Me. To see that it's not always....someone's else's fault...that I feel the way I do. I have to work on/create belief systems that I truly feel. And I truly feel things. I will only reach my perfection when butterflies are released and my ashes are scattered in the crystal blue sea....until then I'm an ongoing work in progress.
Egypt
I am going to be the blended love mother of my love's two children one day. In the meantime I spend enough time with them to give me an honarary "step mother" title. And I'm not that evil one either. So in no particular order, here are ways to bond with the steps...
  1. Discover their favorite food and indulge them
  2. Discover their favorite dessert and indulge them.
  3. Take them roller skating.
  4. Take them bowling.
  5. Go hiking.
  6. Go shopping.
  7. Talk.
  8. Play Games.
  9. Try to say yes more than you say no.
  10. Say no when you need to.
  11. Smile at them.
  12. Hug them.
  13. Speak nicely about their mother.
  14. Write them little notes.
  15. Don't always tell..dad.
  16. Laugh at their jokes.
  17. Listen to their stories.
  18. Look at their dances.
  19. Give them time alone with their dad.
  20. Love them.
Egypt
When you are wallowing in feelings of doubt and unhappiness, insecurity and fatigue you tend to host a pity party. You may invite others to this party and vent for 30 mins or more your feelings of doubt, unhappiness, insecurity and fatigue. When you are alone in this destructive pity party you tend to drink wine, mope, brood, smoke cigs, sigh, shop, indulge in negative self talk (respond to the voices in your head) and overall tell yourself that you are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT TO FEEL THE WAY YOU DO. After all, there is no other way to feel when you feel doubt, unhappiness, insecurity and fatigue. So on and on you go with your unsuspecting victim/listening ear about how awful such and such is..and how wrong you've been done...and just how TIRED you are. Ooo...just writing this is making me feel "over it." Allow yourself to feel what you feel...for a moment..but then GET OVER IT. Get over how you feel at the moment and either do something about it or make the best of it.......or drink some wine.
Egypt
Marriage. The end all and be all of commitment. The ultimate expression of commitment. Till death do us part..I vow..never to be attracted to another. Right? Once we get married our attraction and desire towards anyone else is ultimately killed, right? Really? This belief system may lead to a marriage that is not rooted in realistic expectations. Our commitment to our committment will prayerfully be the reason Fidelity is maintained. But we have to know that whether in a long term committed relationship/marriage you will always find attraction on some level to other people. It's human nature to find others attractive either on a physical/sexual/spiritual/ intellectual level. It's what you do with that attraction. As with anything else, do you feed it or starve it? Feed it by maintaining a friendship with someone you have an innate attraction to? Or starve it by creating boundaries and not putting yourself in a situation that will prove unhealthy to your relationship. It may be uncomfortable but it's important to have discussions about this with your spouse. Talk about your expectations or beliefs about what attraction is or how it looks when you're in a relationship. Discuss what kind of boundaries are needed and expected. Find out if you and your spouse have similar beliefs when it comes to this area in your relationship. Understand that marriage is going to be a life long process and learning experience but it will not be the cure to our human selves. Practicing the muscle of discipline and character development will be that salve....
Egypt
Not really anyway. You really don't get Personal Time Off when you are a mother. Even if you're children aren't with you you're thinking about them. Thinking about what they need, wondering if they're ok, planning lunch/dinner. Your mind/spirit/body is always working....so even if you don't feel like doing your mommy duties you have too. And you have to find some positive energy in you to do it with some graciousness and less crabbiness. So isn't it pretty much the same thing in a relationship? You don't really get personal time off. That person is always on your mind, you are concerned about their needs and thinking of ways to be happy and add to their happiness. Even when you don't feel like it. I believe the way to be a successful parent and partner is to remember that. And more importantly, to remember that with your partner. We sometimes lose the politeness and "obligatory niceties" with our mates because they are the ones we get naked with..so they can handle our unpleasant mood and indifferent behavior. But just as a relationship with your child/children can be hurt if you are constantly impatient, don't show love and act like they are generally a pain in your ***...your relationship with your partner can be hurt in the same way. It takes a lot of patience and prayer but we have to push ourselves to be better parents and better partners. And of course...take some time "to yourself by yourself" to rejuvenate your spirit..that is your personal time...and then return to your warm family circle to be the woman that you were called to be.
Egypt
Jump! If you're learning to swim just jump in the water. Preferably if you have a life jacket or life guard within yelling distance. But jump. Overcome that fear and jump into that water. You'll get it...right? Wrong? If I jump in and don't know how to swim will I sink soundlessly to the bottom? Will I drown? Will nature kick in and I'll somehow figure out how not to drown silently or while kicking fiercely? Jump! And find out. But how about ensuring that there is some sort of safety apparatus in place first? Look around and observe if there is a life guard...jump with a trusted companion in the water waiting for you. Jump with a life vest on or be sure there's a life saver handy. In life we have to all JUMP eventually. Jump into that position that you know you can do but are fearful of the responsibilities...Jump into the relationship that you have been praying for and that has appeared. Jump into marriage..with the right person. Jump off the diving board and into the sparkling water when all you want to do is stay firmly planted on the ground. It's scary but it can be done. The safety of jumping is the preparation. You have prepared yourself for that job. You have prepared for this relationship. You have the tools necessary to move. Jumping takes action. It forces us to move. Otherwise we can stagnate and allow fear to rot us in one spot. Use the emotion as a catalyst to be in the space that you desire. Now, ready, set.....JUMP!
Egypt
My youngest niece, Chaeli, is the juiciest brown baby I have ever seen. She is 10 mos full of life, two teeth and chunky legs that take her as far and as fast as possible. Looking at her walk is fun. When she started to walk she'd take a few steps..stumble...fall on her cushioned behind...look up at you and smile...then wait for the "clap"...Yea! Chaeli you did it!!!!! Now her steps are firmer and steadier and she takes them with more ease. She still stumbles and falls but she gets right back up and looks at you...smiles....Yea! Chaeli you did it!!!!! I want to be like my niece. I want to learn how to walk in this journey of life and know that I'll stumble and fall tons of times before I am able to walk steadily. I want to get up after I've fallen and smile...clap to myself...Yea! Egypt you did it!!!! You made a mistake, you learned a lesson, you cried a few tears...but you did it! That's the only way to truly experience life. You have to stumble and fall. You have to get your "bum" hurt a few times to really get you steady for the walk of life. Yea! You did it!!!
Egypt
I am looking forward to the peace and quiet that the end of summer affords. I am ready for my son to begin 4th grade and return his structured schedule. I am ready to fuss with him over homework and bedtime. I am ready for my home to return to some sort of normalcy where all I day each day is my work and not double as a full time stay at home mother as well as corporate employee. I am tired. My butt is worn out. I have had my fill and I am so ready for summer to end.....
Egypt
I need to exercise. I am probably one of the laziest women you will ever meet. I have all good intentions of walking or jogging but when it's time to actually perform I cower out. But I know the more I exercise the more my muscles will develop and firm up. In the same way we need to exercise other muscles....the muscles of character, discipline, responsibility, security, courage. These are muscles that if not exercised will also lose tone and appear without form. We need to daily practice/exercise our character...put in the work necessary to be the person we are "when no one is looking." We need to exercise the muscle of discipline. Like exercising our bodies we can't just say it's something we need to do..we actually have to put in the physical movement necessary to achieve our goals. How do we exercise these character traits? By doing the things we know we NEED to do even when we don't FEEL like it. Start small. Make a habit of opening your bills and paying them on time. Turn negative self talk into positive affirmations. Practice the art of saying No when you need to. Stand up for yourself when inside you're literally terrified. Exercise. Exercise. Exercise these muscles in order to achieve the life you desire.
Egypt
Being the melanin infused woman that I am I tend not to tan easily. And I so envy women who walk around with what looks like intoxicatingly attractive tan lines. Evidence that they have been stung or kissed by the sun. My week in St.Croix produced tan lines that I am so excited about. Two lighter brown lines on my chocolate berry skin are evidence that in reality I was in paradise for a week and was not dreaming. I was away from the hustle..in a place where there are two roads and not six lane highways. I experienced the lap of luxury while eating mangoes for breakfast. lunch.and dinner. Saw lizards of every description claim their piece of the pie. And soaked in water so blue and exotic it was like being in a land of make believe. I enjoyed my vacation thoroughly and have my tan lines to prove it.....
Egypt

I will be sunning in the beautiful island of St.Croix all week.
Enjoy being the fantastic women that you are!
Egypt
Sometimes when we say we love someone or that we're in love we are thinking of ourselves. We are enjoying just how well that person makes us feel and what they do for us. We talk about what they do for us to make us feel so good. We forget that love is not selfish. Love will require you to do things that you don't feel like doing. Love will not always be about what that person can do for you. It's about how YOU show it. It's an action and it causes you to be IN action. It's about doing things you may not feel like doing at the time. You may have to wake up early to pick up aspirin for your Love's aching head. Or you may have to do a load of laundry in the middle of the night when you'd rather be fast asleep. Love may require you to entertain when all you want to do is rest. Love is about giving and receiving; it's a healthy balance between the two. But if you're honest with yourself, how often are you giving? How often are your hands open to receive? It's not just about the material exchange. Love is about the emotional and physical exchange; the sacrificial exchange...We want our mates to give selflessly...their time, their feelings, their honesty, their affection, their love..and we want it in our time. But when our mates..our loves...need to receive the same time or affection or honesty or discipline we say..."that's just how I am" and so we aren't able to give back or reflect what we want. Love requires discipline. The discipline to give of yourself when you don't want to. And if you want to receive this type of holistic love from your mate it is imperative that you start by showing/doing it yourself.
Egypt
Are you woman enough to admit what your strongholds are? Am I woman enough to admit this to myself or someone else? Our strongholds are the emotional ties that we allow to control us..our thoughts and in turn our behavior. They are the barriers we believe we can't get rid of or overcome. The bad habits that we give power to because of how powerless we feel. They are the thoughts that we succumb to on an almost religious level. The images in our head that we feverishly hold onto. The desires that burn within. Strongholds can be broken. There are no fortresses that are impregnable..unless we choose them to be. When we acknowledge that something or someone has a stronghold over us we admit that this is an area that demands attention. We begin the process with that statement.....______ has a stronghold over me. Now what do you do with that. You either feed it with your feelings of helplessness or destroy it with your will power and determination. Think about it. Emotions such as helplessness are easy and passive traits. We experience them without even thinking. But to be strong and develop will power demands work. We have to work at that muscle. Work at that belief that you can overcome any thought and in turn any behavior. Strong holds are there to polish your character and show you just who you are. Welcome them like you would any challenge and then celebrate in your victory when you overcome.
Egypt
So beautiful and so smooth. Skin like rare chocolate. Makes you want to reach out and just touch it to see if it's real. And wisdom that is unnatural. A gift from her ancestors, maybe? A woman whose energy is raw and pure. A woman who loves her children and sees their goodness but also their humaness and corrects them when they are wrong. A woman who will tell it like it is. This is a woman who is so unlike me yet I find her comforting. Ms.Gwen, my love's mother...a woman who looks like me who i find beautiful.
Egypt
when i think of my little brown boy
i automatically grin.
this little male child
whose hands are shaped like mine
and bone structure resembles me.
who asks why
and still spontaneously gives me
great hugs and kisses.
this little brown boy
whose eyes well with tears
at times.
whose laugh makes me melt
all the time.
whose smile makes me day
every time.
my yums....
my son.....
my love....
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Egypt
Women Who Look Like Me I find stunningly beautiful. Is that an arrogant statement? A tribute to my narcissistic self? Women Who Look Like Me are like the first rays of light on a new day. Like that glass of cold water when you're parched. Women Who Look Like Me are like really well written poetry that you read over and over because you keep trying to understand it. Like a bouquet of unexpected wild flowers. Women Who Look Like Me are vulnerable and wide and open and not scared to speak up for themselves and say No and mean it and Yes with the softest whisper. I know Women Who Look Like Me and it's vanity when I see them because they are such interesting and amazing reflections. I look and I stare and I smile and I wonder...do you know that your'e a Woman Who Looks Like Me?
Egypt
Imagine if we could do that. Shed the layer of who we are and take on the skin/covering of someone else. This could be their physical appearance or their emotional attributes. But would we be able to change "our skin" like we do our desktop wall papers or backgrounds or cell covers? If I could change my skin..would I? Who would I be? What would I want to look like? And in so doing would it mean that I didn't care for "the skin I'm in?" Would there be others who would want to change their skin for mine...for my appearance..for my personality? I love the skin that I'm in. Sometimes I don't like it..but I do love it. I am who I am. I am comfortable being more of an introvert than a social butterfly. I am well pleased with my lithe size instead of voluptuous curves. I am happy being silly and goofy and thinking butterflies are the most exquisite things God ever made. My skin allows me to take chances in love and think about the consequences....sometimes after and not before. My skin I'm in creates an environment for people to be themselves and feel safe. My skin covers a lady..and that is what I am. My skin...my outer layer and my inner softness allows me to be me without fear.
Egypt
”The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments ofcomfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge andcontroversy.”Martin Luther King Jr.

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”Ralph Waldo Emerson

“When one door closes another door opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.”Alexander Graham Bell

”Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”George Bernard Shaw

"Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what theworld needs is people who have come alive."Howard Thurman
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Egypt
Why do we try and hide it so much? Why are we embarrassed by our sensitivity as though it were a curse? We all try to be so tough and wear a mask...our pretend selves. People who are sensitive are described as weird or weak or soft or..something. Something that's not good. But our sensitivity is a sign of our purity. It's the side of ourselves that we can't hide. The side that feels raw energy and interprets without boundaries. It's who we are when no one is watching; no one can hear and no one can touch us. It's who we are at our natural selves. I am so sensitive and I'm not ashamed to say it.
Egypt
This incredible journey called life has so many peaks and valleys..so many uncharted areas to explore...so many novel things to learn. There is just so much to experience. Often times when we are in a relationship we may have our own interests and our mate has theirs. That's ok because it allows each of you to continue to bring interesting ideas into your love bubble. But sometimes the interests and ideas are so opposite that it's difficult to meet in the middle and do things together. You enjoy going out on a weekly basis..he prefers chilling in his boxer shorts at home. You love going to museums and plays..he'd prefer mud wrestling and a good hip hop concert. Again, there's nothing wrong with that. It adds spice! But one thing that is really joyous is when you can explore new things with your mate. You may despise the rodeo with a vengeance but your mate adores it..hold his hand and enjoy the show together. Engaging in new things together creates such an incredible bond! When you know that you share in a new experience with your love...share in the joys of this life together with your love..you know that you are safe. It is safe to want to learn new things..to grow in different areas...to want to try things. You know that your mate has your back and is willing to do them with you and this cements your bond. It's so easy to do too and the change that is expected in life can occur organically..with both of you looking in the same direction.
Egypt
I am often thinking of confidence...what makes a woman confident? What separates women who are confident from women who are not? What are some signs that a woman is confident?


  1. Belief in yourself - accepting your uniqueness
  2. Courage to stand up for what you believe
  3. Discipline to say No
  4. Continued growth
  5. Ability to embrace life fully
  6. Understanding there is a power greater than you
  7. Ability to apologize

What a man thinks of himself, that it is which determines, or rather indicates his fate. ~Henry David Thoreau

Just as much as we see in others we have in ourselves. ~William Hazlitt

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Egypt
I gave birth to Yums at home. It was an incredible experience. I was surrounded by a beautiful environment and was able to participate freely in my birthing process. As wonderful as it was there was pain....a lot of it! I used herbal tea as my pain killers. The pain was the pull my hair out, use a profound amount of profanity and call upon God to deliver me type of pain. At one point I felt as if I were being torn apart; shortly after that I felt this great expulsion and then blissful relief. Right after that moment I said...ok, I can do this again! I gave birth to my son through a lot of pain and discomfort but it was completely worth it. I thought about this with our life experiences. There are times that we are in the midst of giving birth to something great....confidence, a new beginning, security...but it's too painful. We are unable to get through the birthing process because it doesn't feel good. We don't want to deal with the discomfort, the anxiety, the gut wrenching hurt in order to make it to the other side. And the amazing thing is that what we will birth will be beyond description. It will be inexplicably beautiful. We will understand that we had to experience the debilitating pain to bring forth new life. We are able to do it naturally. We don't need prescription drugs or alcohol or some other distraction to make it through the process. We need to remember that no matter how much it hurts in the moment, when the pain is over there will be a new life.
Egypt
Here I am
Naked and open before you....
Barefoot
Loving
Eager
Here I am
Hopeful
Scared
Ready
Here I am
in the midst of
taking the next step....
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Egypt
You know that feeling that you get right before you get or accomplish what you've been dying for! It's like a rush! But there's also anxiety associated with that feeling. You may have just paid off you're debt and have accomplished the goal of being DEBT FREE but then what do you do? Purchase a new vehicle or buy a new home or charge that "fierce" new dress. You've met the man of your dreams and he is beautiful! Certainly something must be wrong. He opens the door for you and calls to check on you; he cares about your needs and thinks you have the prettiest feet imaginable. Of course he must be gay, right? So instead of embracing what you have wanted you start to imagine that he's lying about something or at any moment the other shoe will fall. What that does is create drama. Now you start to have an attitude because in your mind he's cheating. Or you start to take on your lead role in CSI and snoop through receipts, his phone..his email. Something must be up and you're going to find it! In the end, you create in your reality what you thought of in the recesses of your mind. You sabotage what you desire so much because in reality you may not feel that you deserve it. What we believe about ourselves, in our core, manifests in how we behave in our relationships or in how we go after what we want. If we really don't believe in ourselves we won't believe we deserve to be happy or to have all that our hearts desire. Remember the way you sabotage something can manifest in different ways...your thoughts, your actions, your behavior, your moods. Start with your internal clean up. Discard those negative and ugly beliefs you hold true about yourself. EMBRACE what is for you and what has been blessed upon you and know in your spirit that you deserve it.
Egypt

So the belief is that we are addicted to drama. We need some type of drama in our lives to keep things interesting. This seems to be particularly true in relationships. After all, why else would we remain with the person who doesn't meet our needs, creates insecurity and chaos within and overall drives us nutty? Maybe if we developed other/more organic ways of creating drama we could have the best of both worlds. So here are some things, in no particular order, that we can do to keep our lives and our relationships packed with the intensity of drama!


  1. take salsa lessons with your mate

  2. participate in an eating contest

  3. volunteer at your child's field trip

  4. learn a new word and use it daily

  5. fly out of a plane...skydive!

  6. learn a new language and communicate your needs in this tongue

  7. volunteer at your local nursing home and flirt shamelessly

  8. spell out "i love you" in the sky to your loved one

  9. read a book about physics and discuss it while under the influence....:-)

  10. go to a nude beach..with your extra 10-15 lbs

  11. make love under the stars

  12. go roller skating

  13. read books on different religions and have a discussion with a devout ___.

  14. pay for an exercise class...and go!

  15. train for a marathon

  16. if you're vegetarian, eat a piece of fish..or chicken

  17. if you're a carnivore, go without meat for a day..or week

  18. public display of affection..go for it!

  19. wear a 2 piece bikini and show that cellulite, birth marks and pot of gold (belly)

  20. laugh.every.single. day
Egypt
Aren't we a narcissistic bunch? As people generally and as women specifically. We sometimes become so enamored with our own lives that we forget there is a world around us. We believe that we are in a soothing hookah smoked bubble where only our needs, pain, desires, unhappiness and childhood issues matter. We simply forget or we don't care. And we like to use that delightful phrase, "I've been so busy...." I have used it myself. "I'm sorry I didn't call, I've been so busy." "I'm sorry I couldn't make it, I've been so busy." And of course when we say that we really mean it because after all...we are so busy..with life. We all have work to do, issues to resolve, unhappiness to slay, poor habits to overcome. Some of us are full time students and parents and partners and maintain a 40 hour plus work week. And that is busy! But the fact of the matter is that when we want to do something we find a way or make a way to do it. My mother would always say, "people find time for what they want." At the time she said this to me I was trying to explain to her "just how busy my 20 something year old boyfriend with no job was" and why he couldn't call me more often. *sigh* I don't want to be so self absorbed. Even at my darkest moments when I feel hollow inside I need to, remember that it's not all about me. I can see past my tears. I can extend myself to someone who may need me. I can do it even if I don't want to and Even if I'm busy.
Egypt
Those all seem to be my methods of communication. I will speak around a topic to get to my point. And it's not that I'm long winded I just have a difficult time being straightforward. It makes me wonder how does one recreate their method or style of communication; or is it necessary to do so? It takes all types to communicate in our little universe. We all speak a different language and have different ways of saying the same things. A part of our individual growth process is evaluation...what works for me...what areas can I improve...what habits do I need to let go of. Doing this self inventory will keep you grounded and help you continually reach for and strive for excellence. I am not a straight shooter. That is difficult for me. But I can see the benefit in being more direct. I know this and I can work at it to develop into the complete woman that I yearn to be.
Egypt
My love and I are no home makeover professionals. Neither of us are proficient in the art of painting walls or replacing faucets or toilet seats (yuck:-(). I would rather pay someone for their services to get my walls just the right color of honey mango tango or replace my floors with bamboo. He would rather just save the money. But somehow we have found ourselves painting our rooms and he even taught himself how to put up blinds and replace faucets and toilet seats (yuck :-(). Our work is not perfect but I would have it no other way. Whenever I look at our imperfect paint jobs I am reminded that we took the time to do it together and in doing so we bonded and created an emotional memory and attachment to something so mundane. By doing it together it becomes a part of our history. It is our own labor of love that we can look at with pride knowing that it's just a small indication that there's nothing we can't accomplish together.
Egypt



Diamonds are formed primarily by intense pressure over long periods of time. Sometimes when life becomes too much and you feel like you've reached the end of your rope, think of a diamond. "Diamonds are formed when enough pressure is produced ninety miles under the earth's surface, along with temperatures of 2200 degrees Fahrenheit. Without these particular conditions, diamonds can't be formed." (http://ezinearticles.com/?How-Are-Diamonds-Formed&id=405139). So without these conditions it would be impossibe for something as priceless and precious as a diamond to be created. Could it be that we need the same type of pressure and emotional temperatures to erupt into the diamond that we are? We ask, why me? Why can't I find the good man, or good job? Why do other women seem to have "all the luck" or appear to have it so easy? Why is my life this way? When will my trials be over? But when you reformulate "your life being this way" you will see how you are being formed. Your character is being developed, your passion is being fine tuned, your creativity is being created. You are being fashioned into something exquisite and rare. Your experiences..the conditions of your life...are shaping you. You have to believe that there is a diamond waiting to shine from within. And though it may take some time it is necessary for your creation and in time your diamond will breakthrough the surface and dazzle brightly.....
Egypt
So here's how the story goes. Boy meets girl. Girl and boy have a baby or two together. Boy and girl part ways. Boy meets another girl. Boy already has baby or two. Girl now has another baby or two to love. And that's where it begins. That's where and how love becomes blended. It's like a really well made concoction of fruits, nuts and berries...or coffee, caramel and whipped cream...a cornucopia of love! It is the combination of families..one child here, one daddy there..another mommy in the home. It's trying to find just the right combination of love, courage and patience for all involved. Children have to learn to love new adults who aren't their biological parents. Adults have to grow in love for children that aren't a part of their genetic makeup. It's blended. Love all blended together until the titles of "step" this and "half" that..are blurred out and what is left is a family.


...special thanks to my love's mother, ms. gwen, who shared the term "blended love" with him who in turn shared it with me.....
Egypt

Shopping.....hmmm...the lascivious act of spending money. It can invoke joy if you're careful with it. Shop for anything. Shop for yourself. Shop for your mother. Shop for your niece. Pick up that book you've been dying to read. Buy a frilly piece of lingerie. Buy a scoop of coffee flavored icecream with caramel on top. Shop for a new type of wine. Shop for those one of a kind earrings. Buy your pet a new toy. Buy strawberry flavored lubricant. Buy grapes, apples, watermelon, blackberries, blueberries and kiwi. Shop for the biggest brightest sunflowers. Aren't you feeling joyful just imagining what you can buy?
Egypt

I tripped. Being the clumsy butterfly that I am I stumbled and tripped and...fell..in love? Is that how it happens? Is it by accident or per chance that we fall in love? I have the suspicion and maybe not so popular opinion that it's by choice. The energy and chemistry that we feel and share with someone is not by choice. It is an organic experience. But as we get to learn and know someone we start to develop more intense feelings and we begin to feel...feel the beginnings of something. I believe there is a crossroad before we fall with reckless abandon into love and where we hold back, just a bit, for reasons of our own. We can see warning signs with someone and decide to ignore them; open our heart, our mind, our spirit to them and completely fall flat on our face in love with them. Then there are times that the warning signs may not be glaring but we save a piece of ourselves because of past hurts and wounds that are still healing. We all will fall in love one day. For many women there have been numerous experiences of falling in love. But as we grow wiser maybe we should be a bit more cautious about who we lay spirit naked before and surrender our emotions to completely. Let our wisdom be a guide in our choice to be in love. And when we do make that choice it's like free falling ...but we know when we land there will be safety and not fear of crashing.
Egypt

Although this blog site is dedicated to the magnificence of women I do have to acknowledge the beauty that lies in our male reflections. I was sitting here thinking of the "swag" that men possess. The way they walk into a room as if they own it. The width of their shoulders that make you believe in super heros. The take charge attitudes that help us feel safe. Men are lovely and here are a few, in no particular order, that take my breath away........

My love and reflection, Hotep. My dad, Pastor Michael. My brother, Paul. OBAMA! The honorable Minister Louis Farakkhan. Malcom X. Martin Luther King Jr. My boo, Brent. Bob Marley (yum). "Howard Roark" from Fountainhead by Ayn Rand. My grandfather I never met, James Walwyn. The men my son's are going to grow up to be, Yums and Safi. My crazy behind cousin, Maleeke. Poet, Langston Hughes. The King of Pop, Michael Jackson. #24, Kobe Bryant. MVP, Labron James. St.Croix's finest, Tim Duncan. Denzel Washington. Al Pacino.Spike Lee.Mos Def.Will Smith. Amazing father, Chris Gardner. Nelson Mandela. Cornel West. Tavis Smiley. Michael Eric Dyson.

Can you think of a few...let them know how beautiful they are today....
Egypt
imagine a relationship that is.
imagine two people that are.
imagine there is fluidity and compassion.
imagine trust is ever present and understood.
imagine that people are in sync.
imagine a partnership where needs are reflected and met without being spoken.
imagine being respected for who you are and not who you could be.
imagine being happy just in your space.
imagine being together and love is primary.
imagine having the mate that will always be.
now imagine that you don't have to imagine this because it is what you have.
we are living it.
we are.
Egypt
Sometimes I get scared. Really fearful..like heart pounding and covers over my head. I believe there are monsters under my bed or in my closet. I think the boogie man is right around the corner and I'm convinced that some horrifying creature is gonna jump out and "get me!" And when I look really closely I realize that the monster under my bed may be a situation that I need to take care of; the boogie man is the bill I don't want to open and the horrifying creature is the conversation I don't want to have. So I have options. I can either pretend these scary situations don't exist or I can "turn on the light" and expose the "monsters/creatures" for what they really are...a figment of the imagination that I have allowed to grow out of proportion. In my mind the situation seems bigger and scarier than it really is. When I look at it closely I realize I don't need to be a superhero I just need to take control. Whatever you fear today is not as terrifying as you believe. Take away the power from the monster under your bed by turning on the light of courage and face the truth head on.
Egypt

A fire is kept going by stoking it; by adding elements that will allow it to keep going. A spark gets the fire going and then wood may be added to keep that spark. In relationships it's just as vital to feed the fire. In the beginning there are sparks that look like school girl smiles and vibrant energy and you can't get enough of each other. Eventually the spark fades and instead of keeping the fire glowing and full we may start to ignite sparks in other places. The key is to learn what will keep your relationship fire glowing. Is it good conversation, acknowledgement; is it cards on random Tuesdays or respect of each other's differences. What does your relationship need to stoke that fire? Have you asked each other that question or do you assume chocolates and roses will do the trick? In long term healthy commitments this is something that we must strive to discover. Life will present regularity and routine in your relationship but it is simple to stoke your fire and keep it lit. Just take the time to learn how....
Egypt
I enjoyed every minute of it.
Egypt

I'm at the end of my 35th year of life. Already. As with most birthdays I am contemplative. I am thinking of what I've accomplished so far. What dreams I have realized. Where have I fallen and bruised myself and where have I healed beautifully. What have I learned? Where am I still growing? What do I still need? Am I the same woman that I was at 25/15...Will I be the same woman at 45/55/65...Who will I be? I am proud of who I am today. I am not perfect but I am happy. As long as I am breathing I will make mistakes; I will have to apologize for something to someone. I will always have the gamut of emotions that the Creator has given us. But as long as I have breath I will be working diligently to be the WOMAN that I was created to be. I will be passion and belief; diligence and sensitivity. I will be strong and yet vulnerable. Irritable and yet happy. I will always be in various stages of development but I will enjoy the journey and will be blessed to have the experience. ~happy birthday to me. thank you Creator for my life~
Egypt
Peace.Peace.Peace. I can't get enough Peace.An epiphany.A really good book.Anything that has anything to do with butterflies.A kiss from Yums.Some really good music.A trip to the beach. Harmony.Some food from Harmony's Vegetarian Restaurant.A pole dancing lesson. A bouquet of sunflowers.Love.A dance at home with my love. Key lime pie.Balance.A pink blackberry curve.A really well made lemon drop martini..or two.Another year.
Egypt
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,The fellows stand orFall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touchMy inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
~Maya Angelou

...that's me. that's you. affirm it each and every day. i am a phenomenal woman.
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