Egypt
Sometimes you/I have to say sorry.
Apologizing is a healing salve. It allows you to move forward in your journey and helps others to do the same thing. It is a very humbling task to apologize. It strips you of arrogance and your self deceit. It uncovers you and allows you to be naked and vulnerable.
Say it and see how you feel...I'm sorry. And on the receiving end it is like getting tucked in by someone you love. It helps you to feel secure and safe and believe in life. Saying sorry..allowing yourself to apologize opens the door to a new life.
I apologized to my ex-husband tonight for not respecting him during our marriage. What have you recently apologized for.....
Egypt
Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans. ~Peter F. DruckerI ran across this quote this morning while doing my daily research. It struck me. It made me think, is this why women, me in particular, are so
desirous of marriage? ...only promises and hopes, but no plans....I don't want an endless supply of promises and a fountain of hope.
I want the plan. I want the action that is implied in the commitment of marriage. We are together taking action, being in motion, to uphold our promises and hopes to each other. We are making plans for the future. Of course we hope and pray that they work out but we have a commitment that we will stay together to work it out. That is what a good/healthy marriage is to me. It is that commitment to
the commitment. It is the commitment that you don't have to wonder what happens next. Will he honor his promise or will he honor his commitment?
Egypt
From one of my favorite websites
www.smartmarriages.com:
Diane Sollee
Love Lessons from the Smart Marriages® ConferenceDiane Sollee
We know communication is important, but just how do we do it? The Daily Temperature Reading, created by Virginia Satir, is a step-by-step guide to getting it right. Practice for a month and soon the behaviors will become habits. Do them all - even if at first they seem artificial or corny. These simple but crucial skills can make the difference between misery and happiness.
Appreciations: Share five things you appreciate about each other. These can range from the simple "I like your smile" to the sublime "I like it that you were able to kiss and make up after I forgot to pick you up last night." Appreciations build up credit in the love bank. It can be a nice surprise to realize just how much our partners notice and appreciate.
Wishes, Hopes, and Dreams: Describe three things you hope for in the long run ("I hope to complete a marathon by the time I'm 40") and in the short run ("This week-end I'd like to spend a half-hour alone with my dad when he visits.") A partner who understands your dreams is able to help them happen. Remember that hopes change as we go along and it's important to keep each other current.
New Information: We often forget to update our partner about a change in plans or circumstances. We tell people at work or a family member and think we've told our spouse. Make the daily updates a ritual. Information like "The dentist said Bobby won't need braces after all" or "I'll have to be in San Francisco an extra day" is crucial to staying in-synch and feeling connected.
Puzzles: Clear-up big or little mysteries before they become suspicions, jealousy, false assumptions, or resentments. Most "puzzles" have simple explanations. "You promised you'd water the tomatoes before you left this morning. What happened?" "The water was turned off. Was it back on when you got up?" You have to ask.
Complaints with Request for Change: Get in the habit of saying what you want rather than what you don't want. Describe a specific behavior that bothers you and explain how you'd like it done. Instead of "I get furious when you call and don't leave a message," say, "Honey, when you call and get the machine, please don't say 'It's me' and hang up. Say why you're calling, and when you'll call back, or be home, or whatever it was you were calling to tell me." If you forget to say why you were calling. Call back. Even if it's long distance. It's an inexpensive investment in your marriage. Cheaper than a dozen roses.
copyright, CMFCE, smartmarriages.com
Egypt
Isn't that an interesting saying? "I'm just keeping it real." We all know women who are known for keeping it real. I can think of a few that stand out. For example,
NeNe or Sheree from the Real Housewives of Atlanta are famous for knowing how to keep it real. What does that even mean? Are you keeping it real because you know how to be direct? Are you keeping it real because you tell it like it is? Are you real because "this is just how you are and folks who don't like it can leave you alone?" So when you don't fit into one of those categories does that mean you don't keep it real?
I challenge you to explore this saying and what it means...Keeping it real also involves being real about yourself. Not just about others but you...(look at that finger pointing towards you). It can mean being honest about who you really are and what your character defects are. Being able not just to tell someone how it is and how it should be but also being able to say..i'm selfish..i'm greedy..i lie too...i'm insecure. Be direct to yourself about yourself. Keep it real with yourself about who you are. And if keeping it real means telling it like it is and expecting that your friends/family/mate should be honest then you have to be that. Keep it real by telling your spouse you cheated on them; you've had inappropriate conversations or nights out. Keep it real with your friends that sometimes you don't answer the phone because you didn't want to talk to them. After all...it's keeping it real..right?Let's try to be less arrogant about how real we keep it. We tend to do this especially in our relationships. We wear our badge of honor. I keep it real. I'm always honest. Why can't you? But in that statement you are not really being honest. Be still for a moment and think. Turn off the cell phone, turn off the t.v. and get into a meditative place. Think about the things that you may not have exposed..now think about how real you've really been.
This is not to pass judgment on those who relish in their realness. It's for us to examine what we expect from others and our capacity or willingness to meet those expectations ourselves.
check this hilarious example of how keeping it real can go wrong!
http://www.dumpalink.com/videos/Comedy-When-Keeping-it-Real-goes-Wrong-bcb2.html
Egypt
I had a lovely gathering in my home today. A wonderful and eclectic group of beautiful women met for us to have a get together called "Conversations with Wine." We had all types of wine from moscato to merlot. I made sangria for the first time and it was splendid. I really enjoyed myself. But what I enjoyed most was the energy of the meeting. There we were...honest, open, fluid....about ourselves, our needs, our desires. Admitting to our shortcomings and sharing our dreams for the future. It wasn't about tearing other people down, although we did indulge in some reality tv gossip! It was about empowering through a healthy communal gathering.
Thank you to all of the women who shared this experience with me today and I look forward to more like it.
Egypt
What we put into our bodies manifests outwardly. When I am consuming too much of the so good but so toxic foods (coffee, alcohol, processed foods) I feel it in my bones. I notice that I am so lethargic and cranky. I feel just a little under the weather and would describe my health as fair at best. But when I am being the
organic, lavender and butterfly girl that I am and consume healthy foods that are alive I feel...well..alive! My energy is reminiscent of college days, my skin is clearer, the bags are gone from under my eyes and I am able to accomplish so much! So what I realize is that what I put in will come out one way or the other.
So what I put in my mind/in my head will come out in my behavior, huh? What I think about the most... What I believe to be true will manifest in the decisions that I make, the company I keep, the behavior that I show. If I have toxic thoughts on a regular basis I will view the world that way.
If I know that I know in my thoughts that people are unable to be faithful I will see that in all of my relationships. I didn't say some..I said ALL! If I don't believe that I can have better or do better I never will.
So I have to be careful of what I put both in my body/my temple and my head.....
Egypt
I love looking at older couples. You know the type. There shoulders are slightly slouched. They are holding wrinkled hands and walking slowly together. They look like
commitment. But I always wonder what they still talk about after 20, 30, 40...50 years together. I'm sure they complete each other's sentences and can likely guess what the other is thinking. I wonder if they maintained a sense of self during their relationship? Did they continue to read and learn or participate in life and in that way stay interesting and intriguing to their mates? Sometimes we become so enmeshed with our partners that we lose a sense of who we are or we forget to do things that are not only interesting to us but will keep us interesting to our spouses. I believe in doing so you will continue to have things to talk about. You will still have
fascinating stories to share and little jokes between the two of you. Keep dancing or singing or baking or running or starting your own publishing company or coffee shop or...whatever it is. You'll always have a story to share with the one you love.
Egypt
Sometimes I get on my "checking people out" craze where I stare at the left hand of men and women to see if they are wearing a wedding ring. I do this because I'm slightly obsessed with marriage..the idea of marriage...and the forever inquiry into the status of one's marriage. I immediately start to wonder if they're happy and/or how long they've been married. Are they cheating? What made them decide to take the plunge? Then I look at the size of the diamonds on women's rings and my mind goes into a tailspin. Does the size of the diamond reflect how much love is in the relationship? 1 carat = i kinda love you. i do.....2 carats = i love you a lot. 3 carats and more = i am sooooo in love with you..? is that accurate? so if you don't have diamonds does it mean you're not that into the relationship..or not that ready for marriage? if you had a choice would you choose a larger diamond and fair marriage or smaller diamond and larger than life marriage or do you have to choose? The size of the diamond isn't going to reflect the committment in the relationship, the communication that is developed, the loyalty or the friendship. If we believe that a larger ring will measure the success of the relationship then you've already started out with surface expectations. I'm not suggesting you shouldn't have a large diamond..if that's what you want and what your mate can afford. But do understand that if you and your mate work as hard or more on developing the skills to make a successful marriage as you do on acquiring the "bling bling" you won't have to choose between the two.....
