Nothing much going on in terms of me accomplishing my fabulous list. It seems that I've been kind of all over the place. My home is full of kids again since all of the kids returned from their respective parent's home. I'm trying to juggle getting everyone ready for school, maintaining our new home, figuring out what to do about the baby's child care situation, improving my wifely skills....I feel like I'm doing 100 things at once. In addition, there are a number of changes going on at my company and keeping up with them has left me feeling tired.

A good place to start on my 40x40 challenge is a detox. I need to detox myself physically as well as mentally to get a fresh perspective....

In two days I'll be 39...where did time go? My last year in my 30's.  Wow, I can remember turning 30 like it was yesterday. To honor and fully engage in this year I plan to compile a list of 40 things I want to accomplish by age 40. I'll post that list on my birthday...June 7th.

This week...

my son turned 6 months old...he's cooing, laughing, reaching for everything, trying to crawl...still not sleeping through the night.

me and coffee have had a serious romance going on as a result.

i realized that as my body goes through its transition instead of wearing clothes in sizes that i assume should fit me i should probably buy/wear clothes in the size i  currently am. i will look better and feel better about myself instead of being completely bewildered as to why my pre pregnancy jeans still don't fit.

i also realized that i actually needed to tone up before i even got pregnant.

i'm falling in love with my hair! i'm really happy that it's growing out completely from scratch. i feel as if i'm giving it the opportunity to grow in a healthy state.

in other news i'm still mixing up concoctions for my hair which hubby finds hilarious because i technically still have hardly any hair on my  head. i told him it's to keep my scalp healthy...i don't think he bought it.

i came into the understanding that although there are things at my job that drive me insane i am still very very blessed to be in the position that i'm in. i work from home full time and my son doesn't have to be in daycare. it doesn't get any better than that. really.

i continued to realize just how great my husband is. he is truly one in a million. he's a rare breed and he's my blessing from God. it's only by God's grace and favor that he's in my life and we're married. every day i have to say thank you to the Creator because without Him we wouldn't be.

overall it was a great week.

Staring at my hair on an hourly basis certainly won't make it grow faster.....

I had this same narcissistic obsession with my hair when I first started growing my locs. I'd check and check, look, turn my head..do everything to see if I had any new growth. Eventually I stopped stalking its growth and before I knew it I had a head full of luscious locs.

Now, I wait again...this time in hopes of a head full of healthy and wild hair...eclectic like me...
But it certainly requires that I give it love and time and high doses of patience.

In the meantime I've mixed my own set of oils and potions which I use on a daily basis. Currently my concoction consists of castor oil, jojoba oil, peppermint oil, burdock oil and aloe vera gel. I keep them mixed up in a little bottle that I squirt about a quarter size into my hair daily. I decided on these oils based on the one trillion blogs I've been reading on natural hair! Interestingly enough, I've been trying to decide if I should continue to get my hair wet daily when I shower but I haven't found that answer in any of the blogs I read. This is an awesome perk of having little hair on your head; but since I'm now growing it out I don't know. I use a conditioner..whichever smells the best to me, while I shower. We'll see how that works. I guess I'll see in time if I should stop.

I'll have to get hubby to take some pics so I can chart my progress...

2008 This is why I stay working out. I knew I had a flat belly once upon a time!

just juicy for no reason!

Lil cousin and plus one..looking like her bodyguard..

SMH....fat baby!

2006 - long hair don't care

 

2008 - Birthday weekend

2010

2011 - 70's party

2010 - saved the best for last..my wedding day!

My boys at the circus 2012

Please listen in tonight when my husband, Hotep, is on The Love Doctor Show. He'll be a part of panel of men who will be discussing everything from relationships to what prevents men from committing. It's sure to be interesting and revealing. To listen, go to www.twinflamesinlove.com and click on The Love Doctor Show to hear it live on the web. You can call in for questions at 714-242-5155.

Blessings,
egypt

For real for real!

I've started the second half of her 6 week abs workout and it is madness! She is a maniac with those planks and variations of them. But what I like about her is that her workout isn't too lengthy and I can feel as well as see the results.

It was difficult at first and I found myself ridiculously out of breath and incredibly sore but I can say that I'm finally starting to see a bit more of "me pre- pregnancy." As mentioned before, I'm definitely not naturally athletic so this journey has been quite challenging but I have to say I'm really starting to enjoy it.

I feel as if I've got so many changes, personal ones, going on all at the same time! My hair...my body...and with both I have to exercise a great deal of patience as well as self love. There's no use in getting the body right or having fun growing out my hair if I'm going to practice any form of negative self talk. Internally I'm working out too and getting just as fine inside!

This right here...changing and expanding and growing...is living to me...

haircut 9/7/11

I'm so excited about my hair! I'm in a process of transition that has me a little bit giddy. After about 15 years of wearing locs I cut them on September 7,2011. I'd thought about cutting them for years but never quite had the courage to do so. I allowed my fears of looking funny with no hair hinder me. I worried that I needed to get my "skin just right" before I could make such a drastic move. I felt that I wouldn't like my reflection or that my husband or sons would worry that their friends thought I looked like a boy. I let all my fears stop me. But something curious happened as I awaited the birth of my son. I became fearless. And just like that I asked my husband to cut off all of my locs...and he did.

So for the past 6 months I've been sporting about an inch of hear on my head. It's been wonderful! I get up and brush it. I make a trip to the barber every two weeks and for about $10 dollars I get my hair right. My plan was to keep it super short throughout the summer and maybe in the fall start growing it out again; but being the complete Gemini that I am I decided last week that to heck with the summer...I want to start growing it out now!

I haven't had my hair natural and bushy in about 20 years. When I was 18 years old I decided to grow out my perm and embrace my natural kinky hair. At that time it was not popular to have "nappy" hair but for my entire college years I kept it funky which was quite against the grain. I didn't really know what to do with my hair so I'd keep it pulled back and sometimes braided until at 23 I decided to loc it. My locs grew beautifully over the years and for the majority of that journey I enjoyed my hair. Like most black women I didn't think my hair could grow, but my locs defied that myth and they grew well past my shoulders. I'd curl them and style them and they were..me.

But over time I found myself having a deep desire to cut them off. My ex husband had started them while we were dating and I couldn't help but feel that I was carrying around his energy in my hair still. I believed, as I still do, that our hair carries energy. With locs, there is so much energy contained in each loc, and I felt myself needed to let go. The catharsis I experienced when my hair was cut was liberating. I felt a rebirth with them gone.

Now here I am, at 38, ready to start over and I'm so excited about this journey I'm about to take. I'm sure I'll have days I won't love how my hair looks but I can feel the peace deep within that no matter what it will be beautiful. This is the second half of my natural hair journey and I just know the best is yet to come......

I completed my 30 for 30 day challenge at the end of January; here's what I've been doing since then..

Started Jillian Michael's 6 week Abs..I'm in week 4. I do this about 3 times a week..sometimes more.

I've also been walking since the weather has been nice.

I find that even though I have a pretty tight schedule as a mother and wife I can take at least thirty minutes per day to get my exercise on.

In addition, I've definitely increased my water intake. I keep a gallon by my desk as I work and add lemon or apple cider vinegar throughout the day as I drink it. I'm trying to reduce my carbs intake and up my veggie and fruits. I need to replace my broken blender so that I can start making smoothies again. Occasionally I'll juice up some carrots and celery with ginger which is quite tasty!

The more I exercise, although I may not love it, the easier it's becoming and in some weird way I look forward to it and miss that burn when I don't do it!

Next month...spinning!

All of it.
Or at least that's what I tell myself to avoid getting stuck.
In my head.
About how I should look..
at this point.
22 weeks after the birth of my son.

So i love my belly.
the roundness and softness that's a reminder
that i carried my son
for 35 weeks...early but perfect.

i love my belly..
the way it feels when i'm happy over
a cinnamon coffee cake....cinammon dulce latte...hot peppermint tea..a fresh ripe mango..banana flavored yogurt...pie crust..pizza...tofu burgers...lentil soup...fresh water with lemon slices...tomatoes..green olives...roti...pistachios...
when it's happy cause i've fed it good...

and even when i don't love all of my belly..i love that i'm trying...
and learning to love the adjustment that is such a reflection of how life is.
not always perfect but good to us.

I started the year out with a 30 for 30 day challenge. I challenged myself to exercise for 30 minutes per day for 30 days. To some, this may sound quite simple; but because I historically have been incredibly lazy when it comes to physical exercise it proved to be completely challenging.

I succeeded in my endeavor though. I joined a gym and faithfully went during lunch time or after work consistently. I even purchased at home exercise videos for those sluggish days that I didn't want to leave the home. I discovered some things along the way. I don't like to exercise. It's hard.

But I did it and that's what counts. Yet, when I put on my clothes I still feel...not quite like myself. This has caused me to feel less confident and attractive. I've never struggled with feeling overweight in my life. I've always been more on the underweight side and grew being called everything from "tiny winy" to "skinny" to "olive oyle." I can remember being told when I was in college by a particulary handsome young man that once I had about 3 kids then my body would be ok. So that paints a picture of how thin I was..likely 90 pounds soaking weight.

Fast forward to the birth of my first son and I gained enough weight to make me feel sexy. I had curves in the right places and just enough to be what I considered cute. I didn't have to exercise and didn't. I pretty much ate what I wanted and lived happily knowing that I was one of the "lucky ones" who didn't have to exercise regularly to look fine.

Well life has an interesting way of showing you how human you are. Since the birth of my second son, now five months old, I have been unable to lose my baby fat. As mentioned before, it's affected my self esteem in a way that I wasn't quite prepared for.

I'm challenging myself to continue exercising, eating healthier and more importantly, learning to love myself through my transitions. Even if I don't see a smooth, flat belly when I look down and I wonder if I'm still in my first trimester, I have to learn how to appreciate this period in my life. I will probably never be the wafer thin person I was in college; nor do I want to. I may never even be the svelete and sexy person I was 12 years ago when my Yums was born.

I have to focus on getting healthy. Eating the right foods. Understanding that I have to reduce things that aren't good for me and increase the healthy stuff not just to "be fine" but to live a long life. Because I am now forced to exercise I have to adopt a lifestyle that has been foreign to me but is necessary.

So I challenge myself to not only "keep on keeping on" through diligent exercises but also to grow emotionally along the way.

So in the quest to lose this post pregnancy weight and extra love around my tummy I decided to try out kickboxing. It sounded fun and I thought it'd be a quick and intersting way to tone up. The instructor is my son's boxing teacher so I figured I knew him well enough that I'd enjoy the class even it was hard.

Wrong.

I wanted to kick his a$$. The only other time I've felt like that was when I made the unfortunate mistake of enrolling in a spinning class and after the first class I swore I was going to wait for the instructor in the parking lot to kick her a$$. Really. And I don't even know how to fight.

So I went to this class and after the first 12 minutes of hell jump roping (who the hell jumps rope for 12 minutes? wacko!) I knew that I was in for it. The pscycho teacher then proceeded to ask us (read demand impatiently..moron) that we put on our hand wraps in order to begin the death match exercise.

Really, it was just too much. I had no idea what the hell I was doing and after over thirty minutes of torture and an exercise that involved grabbing/jabbing and kicking the bags I felt as if I were going to pass out and have diarrhea simultaneously. Real talk. This is for real. I quickly found a place to sit down and catch my breath. Which allowed me the time to develop a scheme to take down this diabolical asshole teacher.....I haven't come up with a plan yet.......but I will......

In just a blink of an eye I went from a family of three to a family of five. Without a moment's notice I went from locs that I'd worn for almost 15 years to a super short cut. Before I knew it I went from battling moments of feeling so underweight to trying desperately to lose "this pooch" that just won't go anywhere and truly struggling with losing this weight. Life is changing..fast. Each day I have to pray for guidance and strength to deal with the changes..most of them are good but a few are tough to accept. So I continue to work on acceptance,patience, compassion, letting go of resentment and fear...and accepting the changes with open arms and a new perspective.....