Aren't we a narcissistic bunch? As people generally and as women specifically. We sometimes become so enamored with our own lives that we forget there is a world around us. We believe that we are in a soothing hookah smoked bubble where only our needs, pain, desires, unhappiness and childhood issues matter. We simply forget or we don't care. And we like to use that delightful phrase, "I've been so busy...." I have used it myself. "I'm sorry I didn't call, I've been so busy." "I'm sorry I couldn't make it, I've been so busy." And of course when we say that we really mean it because after all...we are so busy..with life. We all have work to do, issues to resolve, unhappiness to slay, poor habits to overcome. Some of us are full time students and parents and partners and maintain a 40 hour plus work week. And that is busy! But the fact of the matter is that when we want to do something we find a way or make a way to do it. My mother would always say, "people find time for what they want." At the time she said this to me I was trying to explain to her "just how busy my 20 something year old boyfriend with no job was" and why he couldn't call me more often. *sigh* I don't want to be so self absorbed. Even at my darkest moments when I feel hollow inside I need to, remember that it's not all about me. I can see past my tears. I can extend myself to someone who may need me. I can do it even if I don't want to and Even if I'm busy.
Those all seem to be my methods of communication. I will speak around a topic to get to my point. And it's not that I'm long winded I just have a difficult time being straightforward. It makes me wonder how does one recreate their method or style of communication; or is it necessary to do so? It takes all types to communicate in our little universe. We all speak a different language and have different ways of saying the same things. A part of our individual growth process is evaluation...what works for me...what areas can I improve...what habits do I need to let go of. Doing this self inventory will keep you grounded and help you continually reach for and strive for excellence. I am not a straight shooter. That is difficult for me. But I can see the benefit in being more direct. I know this and I can work at it to develop into the complete woman that I yearn to be.
My love and I are no home makeover professionals. Neither of us are proficient in the art of painting walls or replacing faucets or toilet seats (yuck:-(). I would rather pay someone for their services to get my walls just the right color of honey mango tango or replace my floors with bamboo. He would rather just save the money. But somehow we have found ourselves painting our rooms and he even taught himself how to put up blinds and replace faucets and toilet seats (yuck :-(). Our work is not perfect but I would have it no other way. Whenever I look at our imperfect paint jobs I am reminded that we took the time to do it together and in doing so we bonded and created an emotional memory and attachment to something so mundane. By doing it together it becomes a part of our history. It is our own labor of love that we can look at with pride knowing that it's just a small indication that there's nothing we can't accomplish together.
Diamonds are formed primarily by intense pressure over long periods of time. Sometimes when life becomes too much and you feel like you've reached the end of your rope, think of a diamond. "Diamonds are formed when enough pressure is produced ninety miles under the earth's surface, along with temperatures of 2200 degrees Fahrenheit. Without these particular conditions, diamonds can't be formed." (http://ezinearticles.com/?How-Are-Diamonds-Formed&id=405139). So without these conditions it would be impossibe for something as priceless and precious as a diamond to be created. Could it be that we need the same type of pressure and emotional temperatures to erupt into the diamond that we are? We ask, why me? Why can't I find the good man, or good job? Why do other women seem to have "all the luck" or appear to have it so easy? Why is my life this way? When will my trials be over? But when you reformulate "your life being this way" you will see how you are being formed. Your character is being developed, your passion is being fine tuned, your creativity is being created. You are being fashioned into something exquisite and rare. Your experiences..the conditions of your life...are shaping you. You have to believe that there is a diamond waiting to shine from within. And though it may take some time it is necessary for your creation and in time your diamond will breakthrough the surface and dazzle brightly.....
So here's how the story goes. Boy meets girl. Girl and boy have a baby or two together. Boy and girl part ways. Boy meets another girl. Boy already has baby or two. Girl now has another baby or two to love. And that's where it begins. That's where and how love becomes blended. It's like a really well made concoction of fruits, nuts and berries...or coffee, caramel and whipped cream...a cornucopia of love! It is the combination of families..one child here, one daddy there..another mommy in the home. It's trying to find just the right combination of love, courage and patience for all involved. Children have to learn to love new adults who aren't their biological parents. Adults have to grow in love for children that aren't a part of their genetic makeup. It's blended. Love all blended together until the titles of "step" this and "half" that..are blurred out and what is left is a family.
...special thanks to my love's mother, ms. gwen, who shared the term "blended love" with him who in turn shared it with me.....
...special thanks to my love's mother, ms. gwen, who shared the term "blended love" with him who in turn shared it with me.....
Shopping.....hmmm...the lascivious act of spending money. It can invoke joy if you're careful with it. Shop for anything. Shop for yourself. Shop for your mother. Shop for your niece. Pick up that book you've been dying to read. Buy a frilly piece of lingerie. Buy a scoop of coffee flavored icecream with caramel on top. Shop for a new type of wine. Shop for those one of a kind earrings. Buy your pet a new toy. Buy strawberry flavored lubricant. Buy grapes, apples, watermelon, blackberries, blueberries and kiwi. Shop for the biggest brightest sunflowers. Aren't you feeling joyful just imagining what you can buy?
I tripped. Being the clumsy butterfly that I am I stumbled and tripped and...fell..in love? Is that how it happens? Is it by accident or per chance that we fall in love? I have the suspicion and maybe not so popular opinion that it's by choice. The energy and chemistry that we feel and share with someone is not by choice. It is an organic experience. But as we get to learn and know someone we start to develop more intense feelings and we begin to feel...feel the beginnings of something. I believe there is a crossroad before we fall with reckless abandon into love and where we hold back, just a bit, for reasons of our own. We can see warning signs with someone and decide to ignore them; open our heart, our mind, our spirit to them and completely fall flat on our face in love with them. Then there are times that the warning signs may not be glaring but we save a piece of ourselves because of past hurts and wounds that are still healing. We all will fall in love one day. For many women there have been numerous experiences of falling in love. But as we grow wiser maybe we should be a bit more cautious about who we lay spirit naked before and surrender our emotions to completely. Let our wisdom be a guide in our choice to be in love. And when we do make that choice it's like free falling ...but we know when we land there will be safety and not fear of crashing.
Although this blog site is dedicated to the magnificence of women I do have to acknowledge the beauty that lies in our male reflections. I was sitting here thinking of the "swag" that men possess. The way they walk into a room as if they own it. The width of their shoulders that make you believe in super heros. The take charge attitudes that help us feel safe. Men are lovely and here are a few, in no particular order, that take my breath away........
My love and reflection, Hotep. My dad, Pastor Michael. My brother, Paul. OBAMA! The honorable Minister Louis Farakkhan. Malcom X. Martin Luther King Jr. My boo, Brent. Bob Marley (yum). "Howard Roark" from Fountainhead by Ayn Rand. My grandfather I never met, James Walwyn. The men my son's are going to grow up to be, Yums and Safi. My crazy behind cousin, Maleeke. Poet, Langston Hughes. The King of Pop, Michael Jackson. #24, Kobe Bryant. MVP, Labron James. St.Croix's finest, Tim Duncan. Denzel Washington. Al Pacino.Spike Lee.Mos Def.Will Smith. Amazing father, Chris Gardner. Nelson Mandela. Cornel West. Tavis Smiley. Michael Eric Dyson.
Can you think of a few...let them know how beautiful they are today....
My love and reflection, Hotep. My dad, Pastor Michael. My brother, Paul. OBAMA! The honorable Minister Louis Farakkhan. Malcom X. Martin Luther King Jr. My boo, Brent. Bob Marley (yum). "Howard Roark" from Fountainhead by Ayn Rand. My grandfather I never met, James Walwyn. The men my son's are going to grow up to be, Yums and Safi. My crazy behind cousin, Maleeke. Poet, Langston Hughes. The King of Pop, Michael Jackson. #24, Kobe Bryant. MVP, Labron James. St.Croix's finest, Tim Duncan. Denzel Washington. Al Pacino.Spike Lee.Mos Def.Will Smith. Amazing father, Chris Gardner. Nelson Mandela. Cornel West. Tavis Smiley. Michael Eric Dyson.
Can you think of a few...let them know how beautiful they are today....
imagine a relationship that is.
imagine two people that are.
imagine there is fluidity and compassion.
imagine trust is ever present and understood.
imagine that people are in sync.
imagine a partnership where needs are reflected and met without being spoken.
imagine being respected for who you are and not who you could be.
imagine being happy just in your space.
imagine being together and love is primary.
imagine having the mate that will always be.
now imagine that you don't have to imagine this because it is what you have.
we are living it.
we are.
imagine two people that are.
imagine there is fluidity and compassion.
imagine trust is ever present and understood.
imagine that people are in sync.
imagine a partnership where needs are reflected and met without being spoken.
imagine being respected for who you are and not who you could be.
imagine being happy just in your space.
imagine being together and love is primary.
imagine having the mate that will always be.
now imagine that you don't have to imagine this because it is what you have.
we are living it.
we are.
Sometimes I get scared. Really fearful..like heart pounding and covers over my head. I believe there are monsters under my bed or in my closet. I think the boogie man is right around the corner and I'm convinced that some horrifying creature is gonna jump out and "get me!" And when I look really closely I realize that the monster under my bed may be a situation that I need to take care of; the boogie man is the bill I don't want to open and the horrifying creature is the conversation I don't want to have. So I have options. I can either pretend these scary situations don't exist or I can "turn on the light" and expose the "monsters/creatures" for what they really are...a figment of the imagination that I have allowed to grow out of proportion. In my mind the situation seems bigger and scarier than it really is. When I look at it closely I realize I don't need to be a superhero I just need to take control. Whatever you fear today is not as terrifying as you believe. Take away the power from the monster under your bed by turning on the light of courage and face the truth head on.
A fire is kept going by stoking it; by adding elements that will allow it to keep going. A spark gets the fire going and then wood may be added to keep that spark. In relationships it's just as vital to feed the fire. In the beginning there are sparks that look like school girl smiles and vibrant energy and you can't get enough of each other. Eventually the spark fades and instead of keeping the fire glowing and full we may start to ignite sparks in other places. The key is to learn what will keep your relationship fire glowing. Is it good conversation, acknowledgement; is it cards on random Tuesdays or respect of each other's differences. What does your relationship need to stoke that fire? Have you asked each other that question or do you assume chocolates and roses will do the trick? In long term healthy commitments this is something that we must strive to discover. Life will present regularity and routine in your relationship but it is simple to stoke your fire and keep it lit. Just take the time to learn how....
I'm at the end of my 35th year of life. Already. As with most birthdays I am contemplative. I am thinking of what I've accomplished so far. What dreams I have realized. Where have I fallen and bruised myself and where have I healed beautifully. What have I learned? Where am I still growing? What do I still need? Am I the same woman that I was at 25/15...Will I be the same woman at 45/55/65...Who will I be? I am proud of who I am today. I am not perfect but I am happy. As long as I am breathing I will make mistakes; I will have to apologize for something to someone. I will always have the gamut of emotions that the Creator has given us. But as long as I have breath I will be working diligently to be the WOMAN that I was created to be. I will be passion and belief; diligence and sensitivity. I will be strong and yet vulnerable. Irritable and yet happy. I will always be in various stages of development but I will enjoy the journey and will be blessed to have the experience. ~happy birthday to me. thank you Creator for my life~
Peace.Peace.Peace. I can't get enough Peace.An epiphany.A really good book.Anything that has anything to do with butterflies.A kiss from Yums.Some really good music.A trip to the beach. Harmony.Some food from Harmony's Vegetarian Restaurant.A pole dancing lesson. A bouquet of sunflowers.Love.A dance at home with my love. Key lime pie.Balance.A pink blackberry curve.A really well made lemon drop martini..or two.Another year.
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,The fellows stand orFall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touchMy inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
~Maya Angelou
...that's me. that's you. affirm it each and every day. i am a phenomenal woman.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,The fellows stand orFall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touchMy inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
~Maya Angelou
...that's me. that's you. affirm it each and every day. i am a phenomenal woman.
I would like to leave unhealthy fear, unhealthy attachments, unnecessary anxiety, unmet needs, and the desire to have what is not for me in this year. I would like to take strength, courage, wisdom and the ability to continue growing into the next year. I know I can do it.
There are some things and some people that I have allowed to take me to the edge of insanity. I feel it in my neck, in my head, in my womb. I feel it in my throat and even in my breasts. I feel it in my stomach. It makes me feel ill and out of control. I work hard to be balanced and in a safe space but sometimes I allow people to take me to the brink of madness. I need to breathe.
The Fight or Flight Response
Stress can trigger the body’s response to perceived threat or danger, the Fight-or-Flight response. During this reaction, certain hormones like adrenalin and cortisol are released, speeding the heart rate, slowing digestion, shunting blood flow to major muscle groups, and changing various other autonomic nervous functions, giving the body a burst of energy and strength. Originally named for its ability to enable us to physically fight or run away when faced with danger, it’s now activated in situations where neither response is appropriate, like in traffic or during a stressful day at work. When the perceived threat is gone, systems are designed to return to normal function via the relaxation response, but in our times of chronic stress, this often doesn’t happen enough, causing damage to the body.
Stress: How It Affects Your Body, and How You Can Stay Healthier
By Elizabeth Scott, M.S., About.com
The Fight or Flight Response
Stress can trigger the body’s response to perceived threat or danger, the Fight-or-Flight response. During this reaction, certain hormones like adrenalin and cortisol are released, speeding the heart rate, slowing digestion, shunting blood flow to major muscle groups, and changing various other autonomic nervous functions, giving the body a burst of energy and strength. Originally named for its ability to enable us to physically fight or run away when faced with danger, it’s now activated in situations where neither response is appropriate, like in traffic or during a stressful day at work. When the perceived threat is gone, systems are designed to return to normal function via the relaxation response, but in our times of chronic stress, this often doesn’t happen enough, causing damage to the body.
Stress: How It Affects Your Body, and How You Can Stay Healthier
By Elizabeth Scott, M.S., About.com
Stress management strategy #4: Accept the things you can’t change
Some sources of stress are unavoidable. You can’t prevent or change stressors such as the death of a loved one, a serious illness, or a national recession. In such cases, the best way to cope with stress is to accept things as they are. Acceptance may be difficult, but in the long run, it’s easier than railing against a situation you can’t change.
Don’t try to control the uncontrollable. Many things in life are beyond our control— particularly the behavior of other people. Rather than stressing out over them, focus on the things you can control such as the way you choose to react to problems.
Look for the upside. As the saying goes, “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” When facing major challenges, try to look at them as opportunities for personal growth. If your own poor choices contributed to a stressful situation, reflect on them and learn from your mistakes.
Share your feelings. Talk to a trusted friend or make an appointment with a therapist. Expressing what you’re going through can be very cathartic, even if there’s nothing you can do to alter the stressful situation.
Learn to forgive. Accept the fact that we live in an imperfect world and that people make mistakes. Let go of anger and resentments. Free yourself from negative energy by forgiving
Some sources of stress are unavoidable. You can’t prevent or change stressors such as the death of a loved one, a serious illness, or a national recession. In such cases, the best way to cope with stress is to accept things as they are. Acceptance may be difficult, but in the long run, it’s easier than railing against a situation you can’t change.
Don’t try to control the uncontrollable. Many things in life are beyond our control— particularly the behavior of other people. Rather than stressing out over them, focus on the things you can control such as the way you choose to react to problems.
Look for the upside. As the saying goes, “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” When facing major challenges, try to look at them as opportunities for personal growth. If your own poor choices contributed to a stressful situation, reflect on them and learn from your mistakes.
Share your feelings. Talk to a trusted friend or make an appointment with a therapist. Expressing what you’re going through can be very cathartic, even if there’s nothing you can do to alter the stressful situation.
Learn to forgive. Accept the fact that we live in an imperfect world and that people make mistakes. Let go of anger and resentments. Free yourself from negative energy by forgiving
It's a blessing from the Creator to be so close to my 36th birthday. 6 more days of celebrating life at 35. I feel good. I have this delicious little boy that I call Yums who will love me forever and who makes me laugh. I have this wonderful big man that remembers I love sundresses and Starbucks and will go get me a slice of key lime pie in the middle of the night..just cause I want it. I have these great sisters who keep me balanced as the middle child. On one end my older sister who is beautiful beyond understanding and so full of life it's hard to describe. On the other end my little sister with the brown beauties for children who is like a real life superhero to me. I have girlfriends that make me laugh; make me cry; allow me to be me; help me to be the woman I crave to be. I have parents that love me unconditionally..despite. I have a home to come to at night. I have a job. I have food to sustain me. I have legs to get me where I'm going. My mind is at rest. I am being loved every day even when I don't know it. I am so grateful to be at this point in my life.
I have a girlfriend that is like Wonder Woman and I find her breathtakingly beautiful. She is the most resilient person I have ever met. She is fearless with super human will power. She is strong. She is loud and boisterous. She dances wherever and whenever she feels like it. She has the biggest heart in the world. She is loving and giving and so full of life. She is an amazing social worker. She is my girlfriend, Trenese. A woman who looks like me who I find beautiful.
