Maybe I can't write because I'm full. My mind races. I'm in a space of excitement and happiness. I'm God's manifestation. And I am then allowed to manifest the beauty of the Creator. I am aware of how real God is. Just really Real how God is. I am blessed and highly favored. My life changes instantly in one moment. One test. 3 minutes. Positive Sign. Another test....3 minutes...Positive. Shock. And just like that our lives change and I am reminded how blessed I am and how awesome God is. So right now I have a little lentil seed in me that is a manifestation of the love and commitment my husband and I have for each other. And we wait patiently and with prayer for our blessing in 8 mos....

Sponge bob Square pants and his insane sidekick, Patrick, have been a regular cartoon show in my home for about six or seven years. Yums doesn't watch it as much now but when he was younger we'd both sit in front of the TV and giggle at Spongebob's antics. One episode in particular stood out for me. Sponge bob, as usual, had gotten into mischief and unintentionally destroyed Bikini Bottom. The town thought that a maniac was on the loose and immediately began an all out hunt for this maniac. Patrick, who was an eyewitness to the maniac, was asked to recall how this person looked to a sketch artist. Well of course when he described the person it was Sponge bob and quite naturally no one in the town could tell that the square image could only be Sponge bob! Eventually Patrick and Sponge bob went on the hunt for the maniac and in the most ridiculous manner eventually figured out who it was!

Ridiculous. Absolutely, I know. But what I took from this episode was how wonderful the word maniac was and also how insanely great it is to at times act like a maniac. 

Living life like a maniac for me means living life with relish, with gusto, with passion! It means going after your dream and not stopping until you have it in your hands. Being a maniac means taking risks; having an adventurous spirit. Not fully knowing where the next experience is coming from but waiting with open arms for it. A maniac isn't afraid to live and take chances. Now of course I don't mean acting on impulses that are dangerous, morally degrading or life threatening. I do mean acting on the passion in life that says even when you can't see your way....there is one.

Sometimes we have to stop and remember to live. Not just exist. But really live.....

Frankly I'm hoping someone slipped me a mickey.

• Confusion? Check.
• Delirium? Check.
• Indifference about everything? Check.
• Loss of time? Check.
• Famished appetite? Check.
• Paranoia? Check.
• Moodiness? Check.
• Mental Instability? Check.
• Irritability? Check.
• Complete disregard for the doctor's recommendation to eat healthy, drink water and exercise to reduce symptoms? CHECK!
• Salty/Sweet Popcorn for breakfast? Check.
• Red velvet cupcakes for lunch? Check.
• Copious amounts of wine for dinner? Check.
• No/Some/High Libido? Check.

Clothes that don't fit....? Hmmm. That throws a monkey in the whole "mickey in my coffee" thing.

My husband calls it...countdown to the period. He stands alert, like a decorated soldier, ready for anything that may come his way. A request for cheese fries daily? Body temperature like a menopausal women in the dead of winter? Tearfulness over a car commercial? Disagreements about the price of tea in china? Yes, he's ready for it all. He deserves a medal for his bravery!

In the meantime I'm thinking it was the Starbucks guy that may have slipped me that mickey in my tall soy caramel macchiato....

Google Image

The act of being a parent in many ways mirrors the act of being a spouse. Even the act of conceiving a child and having that child develop within a sacred womb for nine months can resemble the process of becoming a spouse. In conception there is connection...sperm meets egg...connects..and there is life. When you met your spouse there was an undeniable connection that created the beginning of what is now your marital journey. Once life has begun there is the safe cocoon period where the fetus is developing and growing until it is born. When my husband and I started down our journey we had our period where we were nestled in one another. We were one against everything else; we were blossoming; we were growing; we were bonding until it came time for the birthing process of marriage to take place. And when it happened it was similar to child birth for me because there was a lot of tearing and letting go and deep breathing and faith.When I gave birth to my son it hurt...but that hurt led to indescribable joy. I had to let go of being single and care free when I became a mother; I didn't know what I was doing and had to trust and have faith that my son would be born healthy and whole. I had to give up a lot to give birth to him. But I wouldn't change it for the world.

And that's what marriage is to me. I. Would. Not. Change. It. For.The. World.  I am devoted to my son. When the world doesn't believe in him; I will. He knows that there is nothing that I wouldn't do for him and he knows that I will never give up on him. Ever. My son is my "forever ever? forever ever?" Yes, forever and I couldn't be happier because of that. So my husband has my heart the same way. I will not give up on him because it's hard. I won't give up on us because it's not fun anymore. I'll keep trying even when I don't feel like it. I'll give him my best even when I don't want to because our growth as a married couple lies in me. If I do my part he can't help but do his. It wasn't always fun when my son was a baby and I was tired. I didn't always feel like getting up to care for his needs but I did. And I did it without thinking. And I continue to love my son and give him my best...even when I don't feel like it...because my relationship with him is not based on my feeling at the moment. It doesn't change on a whim. It is steady....regardless of what's going on.

google image

I give my husband that exact commitment.

So this is why I view marriage in the same vein that I view parenting. I won't give up on either commitment regardless of how I feel.

The Monday morning blues....The start of the week tends to be the hardest. There are five days ahead of you where the majority of your day is devoted to someone else. All the while that you're working your mind races, thinking of all the other things that still need to get accomplished...the doctor appointments, grocery lists, dinner, boxing practice, chores, bills,  track meetings, parent/teacher conferences...you wonder how in the world you'll manage to get everything accomplished. But somehow you do. And at the end of the ripping and running you are mentally exhausted. You have given everything with little to nothing left for yourself. At the start of this week think of ways that you can get a moment to breathe. Take your designated lunch break away from your desk. Turn off your mind and read a book for thirty minutes. Plan dinner for the week ahead to minimize the 5 pm stress of what you'll cook. Stop for a moment...literally, and smell the coffee. It is Monday morning and you may have the blues but there is thanksgiving in everything. Be grateful for your job. Be thankful for your family. Give thanks for your responsibilities. Appreciate the things that you may find irritating. Turn those blues into thanksgiving and just maybe it will shape not only your day but your week differently.

Ase.

I guess that should read, the day my husband and I got into a disagreement; but I realized it was my ego that did the attacking..and thus I blame her!

Here's what happened and how I was able to slay my ego and save the day...

I have been vegetarian for almost twenty years. I made a "logical" decision to become vegetarian when I became old enough to decide what my mother could not make me eat. My very vivid imagination had always led me down a path of destruction and in the area of meat in was no exception. Each time I would imagine eating a piece of turkey I could see "that little garble thing on its neck" and that would GROSS me out! I never had a lofty and noble reason for not eating meat; it was just nasty to me.

My son is not a vegetarian. He was breast fed up until almost two years old. He never drank formula and he never liked baby food. When I think back it seems he went from breast milk to broccoli to.....chicken nuggets. That's right....chicken nuggets. My ex husband who was a staunch vegan at the time decided it was time to start eating meat again and I came home one day to hear my son had eaten chicken. I didn't make a big deal out of it because I'd never made a real significant decision either way when it came to him eating certain kinds of meat.

Fast forward to the day in question when my ego and my husband got into it. My husband is also vegetarian. He hasn't always been but for the past year or so he has. He wants Yums to also become vegetarian for the sake of uniformity in our home in addition for a healthier lifestyle. Despite the fact that eating meat is not a big deal to me I vehemently opposed this idea. In my opinion my son eats healthy already and a healthier option would be incorporating more organic meats into his diet. We went back and forth on this....if I were a fly on the wall it would have been pretty comedic. After all, I'm a vegetarian so wouldn't it stand that my son would be one too?

Eventually I saw the culprit in this disagreement. It was my overly fed and gluttonous ego. The ego is fixed on ideas that it believes in and has difficulty being humble enough to entertain any other idea. It is grandiose and narcissistic and loves nothing more than to be right; this is even at the sake of learning something new or trying something different. Once I stopped listening with my ego and listened with...the intention of what my husband was saying...I could hear clearly. He would like for us to explore a healthier lifestyle; as simple as that.

If we really think about it and if we're honest enough to admit it, most of our disagreements stem from our pesky ego. We have an addictive need to be right all of the time and this can lead to misery and mayhem.
In the end I kicked my ego's butt and my husband and I were able to lovingly resolve our disagreement. The next time my ego raises it's narcissistic head I'll recognize it before it has time to disturb the peace in my home.

• I was asked to do less work by my supervisor in order to balance the image of my colleagues.
• My response to this request led to my first pseudo marital disagreement.
• I dressed up for work for the first time in two years since I've been working from home.
• Later that evening I had on my dressed up dress with colorful socks and a hoodie...my son laughed at me.
• My son, Yums, changed his pediatric dentist.
• I loved his new dentist who wore Chucks and seemed like he smoked weed....{lol}
• My sister's kids caught the Ebola virus stomach flu.
• I don't plan on seeing them for a month...week.
• Anthropologie had a great sale this week.
• I bought nothing. {sucks}
• I probably should stop watching Real Housewives of Atlanta.
• Because after my issues at work this week I contemplated auditioning to be on the show.
• At least it was a pay week.
• I plan to indulge in Thai Food with my measly earnings.
• I still haven't started my pilates video that I bought two one week ago.
• This may decrease my chances of becoming America's Next Top Model..damn.
• My husband may have caught the Ebola virus um. stomach flu.
• I don't plan on seeing him for a week.. couple of hours.
• I tried a new wine made in GA this week.
• I drank it four  times   once this week.
• Um...five times this week...
• I realized if I don't start saving more money  for retirement I may have to work until I'm deceased.
• This may mean the opening of the first ever senior exotic entertainment center.
• My son didn't get in trouble all week.
• I guess I'll have to give him his allowance.
• I got along pretty well with my husband's cell phone.
• I'm sure this means I'm growing up.
• My husband and I practiced our dance moves for when we're out.
• He determined I had no moves and abandoned the idea.

and there's my fantastic week in a nutshell....hoping we all have a fun filled weekend!



Google Image

 Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder....right? Maybe the beholder needs to get their eyes checked or put on their contacts, renew their glasses prescription or put on some 3D glasses! See, many times the eyes of the beholder is from the face looking in the mirror. We are our worst critics. We look in the mirror and see everything that is a perceived flaw...that less than perfect skin...the bad hair day...teeth that could use some TLC...a little pouch here and little pouch there. We see it all magnified. Our self perceived flaws loom so large they overshadow the beauty that looks back at us when we're in the mirror.

We tend to compare ourselves mercilessly. This person may have the perfect body; it appears that they work out and can eat whatever they'd like. You look at yourself and wonder why it seems you've acquired more belly than boodie or why you gain a pound just thinking of something sweet. You may admire that someone who has flawless hair. You wonder how many hours they spent getting ready or what you'd need to do to acquire their perfection. You compare and you sigh...you compare and you judge yourself...you compare and allow the negative voices in your head to chatter incessantly...you compare and compare and compare until what's looking back at you is formless. You lose yourself wishing to be someone else.

I could go on about how the media has appeared to set the standard for beauty; after all they are responsible for making us think that in order to have a perfect life one must resemble...let's see...Halle Berry? Well it seems the beautiful Ms.Berry is human after all with broken relationships and failed marriages. some of the things that life experiences are made of; her life has not been perfect but she is counted as one of the most beautiful women in the world. The media's job is to perpetuate an inaccurate version of reality...We have to create our reality that  is not based on what "we're told" through television shows, music videos or movies.

The prettiest girl of them all is any woman reading this article. Your beauty runs so much more than skin deep. Your allure isn't in the MAC makeup that you wear. Your sensuality isn't dependent on the size of your breasts or your behind..It's you. Simple as that.

Halloween 2009

My daughter, Kemet, is beautiful. This post could stop right there. She is a beautiful 10 year old girl. She has all of her father's personality and her mother's beauty. She is full of energy; she is a tom boy that loves painting her toe nails. She doesn't cry easily so when she does it's disconcerting. Kemet is a funny little girl with a quick sense of humor. She has the ability to make you laugh so hard in one minute and look at her in astonishment the next..because of the words coming out of her mouth. She's fiercely protective of her dad and mom. She's the typical little sister from Judy Blume who is into everything..a lot nosey and will tattle on her brothers in a heart beat.

I asked God for a daughter and he gave me Kemet. I'm grateful to her mother for allowing me to love her as if she were my own. I'm thankful for her mother for instilling in her the importance of school and reading and sports. Without her mother she wouldn't be the well rounded little girl that she is. Because of her mother she is still...a little girl. Not a grown ten year old...but a child still. Her mother has made loving her and caring for her when she's in our home so much easier. I'm so grateful for my little girl but I'm even more thankful for her mother being selfless enough to allow me to love her....

Jill Scott is by far one of the most profound female artists ever in my opinion. I had the opportunity to see her perform live a few years ago and I was convinced I would be a fan for life. Her melodies are compelling; her voice is inviting; her energy is magnetic! All I have to hear is her classic...Living my life like it's golden..and my day brightens up!

I pay homage to Jill Scott and the other fabulous women that are doing their thing! As women we wear many hats and have multi tasking responsibilities that only a CEO of a major company could understand. Because we are women we are powerful and strong! It takes 9 months for us to give birth to a civilization and we are the only ones that have been given that awesome responsibility. We are the ones that birth our future leaders and then groom them once they're born for their greatness.

Everything about being a woman is God's creativity manifested! Remember that today, no matter what you're doing or where you're going. Remember your profound greatness. Remember...you are woman...now hear me roar!

My father and I haven't always had the best relationship. I've challenged almost everything he's ever told me, in part because of my stubbornness; in part due to the obnoxiousness "special"  middle child syndrome. But he's always meant well and it took me becoming a parent to truly grasp that. One of the many lessons he instilled in both me and my sisters was that....

Anything worthwhile doing, is worthwhile doing well.

And this mantra has taken me far. I haven't always made the best or the right decisions but I have learned to be a hard worker and have developed a strong work ethic that isn't based on the whims of my employer. Whatever I am doing I will give it my all.

My father has lived by this principal and as a result has been happily married for 40 years as well as recently retired after serving in the ministry for 40 years. He and my mother have retired to the Caribbean and are able to live comfortably because he worked hard; he saved hard....he lived his life in all aspects well.

I strive to emulate that. I won't apologize for my passion for the things that matter to me. I will continue to do the best in everything I do; I will pass on this lifestyle to my children and I will live it well.

Little things help when it's rainy out and in.
I probably shouldn't allow certain things to bother me so much but I guess it's because of my sensitive nature that I do.

Here are a few of my most treasured pick me ups...

• Jill Scott...any Jill Scott
• Lavender essential oil
• Lemon/ginger Tea
• Musiq SoulChild - my favorite is his last album, onmyradio
• A hot steamy cup of coffee brewed strong
• Fresh flowers of any type
• Open windows for fresh air
• A red velvet cupcake
• Fred Hammond [i love gospel music]
• My husband. Always my husband.
• Nag champa Incense
• A clean home and uncluttered work environment
• Hearing my son say...hey mama [melts my heart every single time]
• A clear head
• A balanced perspective
• The ability to start over....

My husband knows that I get down in the dumps sometimes because of my boring attire at work. Because I work from home full time my daily wardrobe consists of sweats, tee shirts and socks. Sometimes I may jazz it up a bit and put on my "fancy" sweats but that's about as exciting as it gets! My hair is usually pulled back into a ponytail; I have on my librarian glasses and the only makeup I have on is some lip gloss. I look fair at best.

My husband knows that I LOVE dressing up though; he's aware of how much I love dresses and tights and pretty shirts and big earrings and my absolute obsession with mascara! But I only get to indulge in these things on the weekend. So today he suggested I choose one day a week where I get fully dressed. Dressed, as in makeup, a dress, my earrings...the entire shebang. I contemplated this and decided it was a great idea! It would be such a morale booster; it may make my work day a bit more interesting and give me the extra boost while completing my assignments.

So this is one of the reasons I love this man and married him. He pays attention to my needs, whims and desires. He observes me and understands what will make me tick; what will put a smile on my face and what keeps me happy. He doesn't just observe though he acts on his observations. I couldn't have been more blessed if I won the lottery. He is my prize each and every day and for this I am so grateful....