Things I have found in the laundry...pens, gum,toy rodents or reptiles that scare me half to death, candy, money, erasers, rubber bands, toys, raisins, notes..and notebooks. I remind my son to empty his pockets before he places his clothes in the hamper and I try to remember to check those pockets before I begin the laundry. But more often than not once I start taking clothes out of the dryer I am met with all sorts of little surprises. This morning it was a FULL PACK of Big Red Gum! Hmm...even if I don't check for these things they will show up eventually. Like in life. The things we try and hide or subtly forget eventually show up. The parts of us that we want to hide will without question appear in our relationships.

It goes to show that instead of hiding we should start cleaning. The areas of our lives that need to be cleared before we transition we need to take out, examine and let go of. Sometimes the things in our pockets are things we need...like pens or important receipts...so we place them away carefully. But other times they are things that have no value..an old gum wrapper..a half eaten candy bar...we can discard of those things. The parts of our character that can continue to hinder us we need to let go of...and the parts of ourselves that add to our growth we take care of carefully. It's all going to show up eventually anyway. You might as well take care of it today.

That I love my mate. I love HIM.

Why is it so difficult to make the necessary steps for growth? Why is it so hard? Why can't we remain in the same spot, doing the same things...that is so comfortable. That is warm and familiar. Change is allowing yourself as well as others to be uncomfortable. It's making that decision to experience discomfort. I'd rather continue to pretend to be someone I'm not for the sake of my family so when they're around I'll wear my "family mask" while grinning and bearing it. What's so scary about being yourself? What's so wrong with saying, I'm not going to do it this way any longer. Yes, it may offend others. I may seem rebellious or something but I HAVE TO DO THIS. I have to do something differently. It's a mandatory part of life. If you don't experience change you experience a life that is rotting. A smelly existence. You're stagnating in one spot. Change is not an easy process. It's not an over night experience. It will take time. Not all the time in the world...for time is not promised. So YOU HAVE to make up your mind to act on your change. Do it. Don't procrastinate until you're in a comfortable position...starting today. Not tomorrow. Today..begin the process of change.

Having spent an entire summer with children almost every single day has given me a much more profound appreciation for patience, time off, and peace. Of course with children come a dozen questions, one of the more popular being...are we there yet? This question may be asked as we are driving out of the driveway...going onto the highway..just up the street...it doesn't matter; the question will get asked....where are we going..and are we there yet? Just like me..just like us in relationships. Are we there yet? Where are we going? Have we arrived? The complex joy of a car ride is the journey...the destination is great but it's the experience of getting there. As in a relationship it's the journey that is so exquisite..it's the memories that are formed and embedded in the safest part of your being. It's the time together and the kisses for no reason. It's the connection and the delight in being with your reflection that makes it all worth it. At times we get insane wanting to know just when exactly we will get to our destination in the relationship. Maybe where you are is your destination. Maybe the next step of....living together...getting married...having children..is the destination. The journey will reveal what your destination is. When you are driving to the store you know where you're going and you head in that direction...sometimes accidents or traffic causes your trip to go slower or completely derails it but you figure out a different route or head to a different store. So when you are loved and being loved you hope to have the same destination in mind. Be sure that you both do. Otherwise you may be headed to the altar..and your mate is not. You may have to try a different way of doing things/looking at things or you may simply have to go in a completely different direction with a completely different person. You will get to your destination but as you do enjoy the journey.....

Bring Meaning To Your Sexual Experiences
By Carolynn Aristone, MSW, LCSW
By Mar 5 2008 - 5:07am
Mindfulness has become a popular buzz word in the worlds of therapy, yoga and even medical practices. However, the practice of mindfulness dates back thousands of years in ancient eastern traditions. What exactly is mindfulness and how do we apply it?Mindfulness means staying present to the here-and-now experience. So often, our minds ruminate about the past or remain future-oriented in planning for the next hour, day or year. In our hurried society, one easily gets lost in this past-future shuffle and loses the most precious moment – the “now”. If you identify with this past-future shuffle then you know how this feels. Often, thoughts that dwell in the past conjure up feelings of anger, resentment, sadness, guilt, shame – or even joy. Future-oriented thinking can bring about anxiety, stress, frustration or excitement. When you stay in the past or future, you lose your current experience, the experience that you have the most control over. So, how does this translate to the bedroom?Being stuck in the past-future shuffle in the bedroom robs you of your full presence to be with your partner (or with yourself). During foreplay, you may be thinking about the laundry that needs to get done or the report that’s due for work. Meanwhile, with your mind in those places, you lose the opportunity to fully feel your partner’s presence with you, to feel their caress, their kiss, their body heat, their sounds, their eye contact, their skin and hair textures, their breath on your skin. You can easily lose contact with some of the most important details occuring in the present. These precious details make up a large part of our sexual pleasure. Unfortunately, most couples find themselves squeezing in time for sex, with a sole purpose of orgasm, then quickly heading out the door to attend to their to-do list. It is as if we take our present moment and the opportunity for sexual pleasure for granted.How often do you give yourself the time to savor the foreplay, to notice those electrical moments, those small details that only you share with your partner? Give yourself the gift of truly being together. Start gently. Pick a week to carve out 2 hours for sexual mindfulness practice. Grant yourself permission to let go of your thoughts and your to-do list and focus instead on the sensation of being with each other. Notice what the experience feels like for you, whether it feels difficult or easy – without judgement on yourself. Simply become aware and take the time to talk about your experience afterward. What did you like/dislike about it? What was your favorite aspect? Do you want to try the activity again?Savor in the simplicity of mindfulness. It will heighten and enhance your life experiences.Tips for a Mindful PracticeWhile it may sound simple, mindfulness practice will challenge you, hence the emphasis on the word practice. Practicing mind-fulness requires patience, non-judgement and discipline. Below you will find a simple exercise to help you practice mindfulness during an everyday activity. Try this before applying it to the bedroom. For some people, food can be syn-onymous with sex so start your practice with the following exercise.Try this exercise before applying mindfulness to the bedroom!Mindful EatingOn your own or with your partner, make your favorite dish. If you’d like, create a slight ambience – music, candles. Set aside time to eat slowly and easily.When you sit to eat, visually take in the dish. Notice the colors in your food. Smell the aroma rising from your plate. Notice the sensations in your mouth – is it watering? Notice if you feel like diving into the food and whether or not you feel frustrated with slower movement. Taste the first bite slowly. Move the food around your mouth, chew gently, savor all of the flavors. Notice the texture of the food in your mouth and as you swallow. Stay present. Take another bite.Continue to use all of your senses for a profound eating experience. Then imagine adapting this to the bedroom where your partner becomes your favorite dish!

10 Surprising Health Benefits of Sex
The health benefits of sex extend well beyond the bedroom. Turns out sex is good for you in ways you may never have imagined.
By Kathleen DohenyWebMD Feature
Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD

When you're in the mood, it's a sure bet that the last thing on your mind is boosting your immune system or maintaining a healthy weight. Yet good sex offers those health benefits and more.
That's a surprise to many people, says Joy Davidson, PhD, a New York psychologist and sex therapist. "Of course, sex is everywhere in the media," she says. "But the idea that we are vital, sexual creatures is still looked at in some cases with disgust or in other cases a bit of embarrassment. So to really take a look at how our sexuality adds to our life and enhances our life and our health, both physical and psychological, is eye-opening for many people."
Sex does a body good in a number of ways, according to Davidson and other experts. The benefits aren't just anecdotal or hearsay -- each of these 10 health benefits of sex is backed by scientific scrutiny.
Among the benefits of healthy loving in a relationship:
1. Sex Relieves Stress
A big health benefit of sex is lower blood pressure and overall stress reduction, according to researchers from Scotland who reported their findings in the journal Biological Psychology. They studied 24 women and 22 men who kept records of their sexual activity. Then the researchers subjected them to stressful situations -- such as speaking in public and doing verbal arithmetic -- and noted their blood pressure response to stress.
Those who had intercourse had better responses to stress than those who engaged in other sexual behaviors or abstained.
Another study published in the same journal found that frequent intercourse was associated with lower diastolic blood pressure in cohabiting participants. Yet other research found a link between partner hugs and lower blood pressure in women.
2. Sex Boosts Immunity
Good sexual health may mean better physical health. Having sex once or twice a week has been linked with higher levels of an antibody called immunoglobulin A or IgA, which can protect you from getting colds and other infections. Scientists at Wilkes University in Wilkes-Barre, Pa., took samples of saliva, which contain IgA, from 112 college students who reported the frequency of sex they had.
Those in the "frequent" group -- once or twice a week -- had higher levels of IgA than those in the other three groups -- who reported being abstinent, having sex less than once a week, or having it very often, three or more times weekly.
3. Sex Burns Calories
Thirty minutes of sex burns 85 calories or more. It may not sound like much, but it adds up: 42 half-hour sessions will burn 3,570 calories, more than enough to lose a pound. Doubling up, you could drop that pound in 21 hour-long sessions.
"Sex is a great mode of exercise," says Patti Britton, PhD, a Los Angeles sexologist and president of the American Association of Sexuality Educators and Therapists. It takes work, from both a physical and psychological perspective, to do it well, she says.
4. Sex Improves Cardiovascular Health
While some older folks may worry that the efforts expended during sex could cause a stroke, that's not so, according to researchers from England. In a study published in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health, scientists found frequency of sex was not associated with stroke in the 914 men they followed for 20 years.
And the heart health benefits of sex don't end there. The researchers also found that having sex twice or more a week reduced the risk of fatal heart attack by half for the men, compared with those who had sex less than once a month.
5. Sex Boosts Self-Esteem
Boosting self-esteem was one of 237 reasons people have sex, collected by University of Texas researchers and published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior.
That finding makes sense to Gina Ogden, PhD, a sex therapist and marriage and family therapist in Cambridge, Mass., although she finds that those who already have self-esteem say they sometimes have sex to feel even better. "One of the reasons people say they have sex is to feel good about themselves," she tells WebMD. "Great sex begins with self-esteem, and it raises it. If the sex is loving, connected, and what you want, it raises it."
6. Sex Improves Intimacy
Having sex and orgasms increases levels of the hormone oxytocin, the so-called love hormone, which helps us bond and build trust. Researchers from the University of Pittsburgh and the University of North Carolina evaluated 59 premenopausal women before and after warm contact with their husbands and partners ending with hugs. They found that the more contact, the higher the oxytocin levels.
"Oxytocin allows us to feel the urge to nurture and to bond," Britton says.
Higher oxytocin has also been linked with a feeling of generosity. So if you're feeling suddenly more generous toward your partner than usual, credit the love hormone.
7. Sex Reduces Pain
As the hormone oxytocin surges, endorphins increase, and pain declines. So if your headache, arthritis pain, or PMS symptoms seem to improve after sex, you can thank those higher oxytocin levels.
In a study published in the Bulletin of Experimental Biology and Medicine, 48 volunteers who inhaled oxytocin vapor and then had their fingers pricked lowered their pain threshold by more than half.
8. Sex Reduces Prostate Cancer Risk
Frequent ejaculations, especially in 20-something men, may reduce the risk of prostate cancer later in life, Australian researchers reported in the British Journal of Urology International. When they followed men diagnosed with prostate cancer and those without, they found no association of prostate cancer with the number of sexual partners as the men reached their 30s, 40s, and 50s.
But they found men who had five or more ejaculations weekly while in their 20s reduced their risk of getting prostate cancer later by a third.
Another study, reported in the Journal of the American Medical Association, found that frequent ejaculations, 21 or more a month, were linked to lower prostate cancer risk in older men, as well, compared with less frequent ejaculations of four to seven monthly.
9. Sex Strengthens Pelvic Floor Muscles
For women, doing a few pelvic floor muscle exercises known as Kegels during sex offers a couple of benefits. You will enjoy more pleasure, and you'll also strengthen the area and help to minimize the risk of incontinence later in life.
To do a basic Kegel exercise, tighten the muscles of your pelvic floor, as if you're trying to stop the flow of urine. Count to three, then release.
10. Sex Helps You Sleep Better
The oxytocin released during orgasm also promotes sleep, according to research.
And getting enough sleep has been linked with a host of other good things, such as maintaining a healthy weight and blood pressure. Something to think about, especially if you've been wondering why your guy can be active one minute and snoring the next.