I've been thinking. There are times that I want to speak to a certain friend of mine and I can't. I call her..often..and she may not return my calls. I may text her and she doesn't respond. She has a lot going on in her life and I understand this. But when I think about it this has been our pattern for many years. She is always just a bit out of reach. And she's the one I tend to share my most deepest hurts and fears and needs with. She's the one I tend to get very naked with. But she's hard to reach. And when this happens it hurts my feelings. I thought about it today...because I felt I needed her.. but then I realized something.

I have people in my life who I can get naked with.

I have friends who I can cry to..cry with..share the parts of me that are so raw and ugly but they'll still love me. But because she's always been the one that I turned to FIRST I felt she's the only one or the main one that I can go to. But that's not true. I have such a loving and warm circle of friends who I can turn to when I feel.....

And isn't it the same thing in our relationships? We want that person SO badly who we think is the only person who will fulfill our desires/needs. And that person is pseudo available or that person doesn't or can't provide for us in the way that we need it or want it. And despite the fact that there may be someone else who can and will we stay STUCK waiting for THAT person to give us something they never will.

I'm going to start letting go and I mean really letting go of my expectations with my friend. I will always love her. She will always be very close to my heart but I have to see the reality of the situation and that is that I will continue to be disappointed by her.

I have all that I need and want and I need to open my eyes to that reality.

What most often weighs you down and brings you misery is the past, in the form of unnecessary attachments, repetitions of tired formulas, and the memory of old victories and defeats. You must consciously wage war against the past and force yourself to react to the present moment. Be ruthless on yourself; do not repeat the same tired methods. - pg 15

Let go of people, situations, memories, behaviors, places and things that are a part of your past. Allow them to be what they were and move forward to win your new victory.