But so am I. Selfish. For the longest time I wanted to blame this seemingly flawed but human trait on his father. He has to get that selfishness from him....of course. But he is selfish because I made him that way.

I have loved my son so hard that I gave to him at times without regard. For the most part he is an only child so I've given in to many whims and fancies because he was my baby boy. For a long time his chores were minimal and even then I didn't demand that he do them regularly. I was loving him; that was how I justified my misbehavior.

So when my 11 year old seems ungrateful and when he behaves selfishly I have to reflect on myself. At 11 years old he is my reflection. He behaves the way he's been raised. So if he behaves selfishly and without gratitude its because that's how he's been groomed.

How humbling and humiliating it is to admit this. But how necessary it is to make changes! I am responsible for who he will grow into. Every day I have to demand greatness from him and that may come at the expense of telling him NO and making sure he follows through with tasks. The best way that I can love him is to show him not in gifts and gadgets but in discipline. The only way he will learn about consequences and about boundaries is through his parents.

This is my task as his mother.

Not really anyway. You really don't get Personal Time Off when you are a mother. Even if you're children aren't with you you're thinking about them. Thinking about what they need, wondering if they're ok, planning lunch/dinner. Your mind/spirit/body is always working....so even if you don't feel like doing your mommy duties you have too. And you have to find some positive energy in you to do it with some graciousness and less crabbiness. So isn't it pretty much the same thing in a relationship? You don't really get personal time off. That person is always on your mind, you are concerned about their needs and thinking of ways to be happy and add to their happiness. Even when you don't feel like it. I believe the way to be a successful parent and partner is to remember that. And more importantly, to remember that with your partner. We sometimes lose the politeness and "obligatory niceties" with our mates because they are the ones we get naked with..so they can handle our unpleasant mood and indifferent behavior. But just as a relationship with your child/children can be hurt if you are constantly impatient, don't show love and act like they are generally a pain in your ***...your relationship with your partner can be hurt in the same way. It takes a lot of patience and prayer but we have to push ourselves to be better parents and better partners. And of course...take some time "to yourself by yourself" to rejuvenate your spirit..that is your personal time...and then return to your warm family circle to be the woman that you were called to be.

So here's how the story goes. Boy meets girl. Girl and boy have a baby or two together. Boy and girl part ways. Boy meets another girl. Boy already has baby or two. Girl now has another baby or two to love. And that's where it begins. That's where and how love becomes blended. It's like a really well made concoction of fruits, nuts and berries...or coffee, caramel and whipped cream...a cornucopia of love! It is the combination of families..one child here, one daddy there..another mommy in the home. It's trying to find just the right combination of love, courage and patience for all involved. Children have to learn to love new adults who aren't their biological parents. Adults have to grow in love for children that aren't a part of their genetic makeup. It's blended. Love all blended together until the titles of "step" this and "half" that..are blurred out and what is left is a family.


...special thanks to my love's mother, ms. gwen, who shared the term "blended love" with him who in turn shared it with me.....