Yums has had 11 years getting to me. As he gets older our relationship will change with maturity, his life experiences and time. For plus one, he/she is getting to know me right now on an intrinsic level. He feels all that I do and experiences all of my pleasure and pain in utero.

I always say...should anything ever happen to me there are a few things I want my children to know and remember about me...

• they were not a mistake. i loved them from conception till my last day...
• i love to dance. and i can't dance.
• i love love to listen to music. even now i stand in front of the radio listening to something jazzy and hoping the baby is picking up the energy. when yums was a baby i danced with him close to my chest for years until he was a big boy and then we danced together all the time.
• i am silly. little things make me laugh.
• i adore the quirkiness in others. the things that make someone a little different i find very wonderful.
• little flaws i find beautiful.
• i cry very easily. more so now because i'm pregnant. but anything from the sound of the waves to the sound of my child's voice can move me to tears.
• i hurt easily....and hope my children don't inherit this. i wear my emotions on my sleeve and still have difficulty masking what i feel.
• i love to decorate. i tend to gravitate towards things that are eclectic. decorating centers me and puts me at peace.
• i don't practice a set religion. i was raised adventist. i have christian teachings thoroughly ingrained in me but i tend to be moved by more eastern philosophy. i believe in God/the Creator with everything. there is no question about that.
• spirit moves me.
• i am impulsive and don't always really think things through...like the time i bought my first SUV...went up to the dealership..test drove it..and away we went..i loved that rodeo!
• yums was my first real love. really.
• i love deeply. i've given my pearls to swine more times than i can count but my love experiences have shaped me into who i am today.
• i pray i age with grace and will be here to see my children grow up.....

As I continue on this pregnancy journey there are so many things that I think about. So many character gifts that I would love for my child to have and other human traits that I pray about daily.

We, as humans, are all liars by nature. We lie by omission. We lie to ourselves. We lie by default. We lie in a pickle and sometimes just because. Some of us are better at it than others. I, for one, have a difficult time telling a lie. When I was a child I used to lie so badly that my mother would look at me in amazement as if to say..is that really the best that you could do?

It's just not in me to lie blatantly, bold face, with a reckless abandon. Now, of course I have told lies before.I've lied to myself about so many things. I've told that "little white lie" to leave work early or not go to school when I was younger. I've said to someone that the meal was delicious when I barely was able to stomach it without vomiting. Yes, I have and am a liar at times. But it's something that I work on daily. Even the little lies add up...so it's best to really do away, as much as possible, with the whole act.

I pray for my child's character. I pray that the spirit of deceit and the ability to lie without batting an eye is not something he or she will inherit. I pray that he or she understands the importance of speaking the truth. I pray they grow in wisdom and understanding that it is not admirable to lie to those you love to save them from harsh truths. I want them to understand that there is nothing more damaging to the human spirit than to know that the person they loved looked them squarely in the eye and perpetuated deceit. I pray for their truth.

I think about these things knowing that he or she will have their own path. I know the character in this baby has to be groomed and shaped and prayed over. I know as a mother it is my responsibility to feed their soul well and to provide him or her with the good nutrients spiritually, emotionally and holistically he or she will need to be that honest person.

And as I pray that their character is constantly shaped into the likeness of God it will also help me in my growth to be the woman I was called to be....

A Fun Day at Piedmont Park

The best kids in the world!

Safi our 14 year old teenager with a sarcastic sense of humor...(left)
Kemet our 10 year old outgoing and precocious daughter...(far right)
Yahoshua our 11 year old relentless negotiator...(middle)

Our SKY team...our reasons for striving to be the best versions of ourselves possible!

After a long day... An overwhelmingly long and draining day one must find refuge. And at times my refuge is in a glass or three  of Moscato or Riesling or my favorite, Seven Daughters. And if it weren't for my glass or bottle of said wine I may completely nut up and find comfort in the wonderful arms of  genuine psychosis! There are days like that and today very well may have been one of those days!

But as always and in everything I give thanks.Without my job that drives me insane I'd be a bag lady at your local supermarket or an exotic entertainer at a nearby Senior Citizens Center. So I'm grateful that I can work in the comfort of my home for my 8 hour shift. I can see my son off to school in the morning and be here when he gets off of the bus in the afternoon. If I didn't have my 11 year who knows absolutely everything, is never wrong about anything and at times has the negotiation skills of Johnny Cochran, I wouldn't be a mother. And for me being a mother has been the best thing that has happened. Period. So I embrace his early puberty with thankfulness and pray for the patience to endure all that his adolescence may have for me!

I am grateful. I am blessed to have my home, a warm bed to snuggle in at night; plenty of food to eat and a family that I'd do anything for and who would do anything for me. As always, God is good.

All in all, Life is Good....and all the more better with some  moscato!

Not really anyway. You really don't get Personal Time Off when you are a mother. Even if you're children aren't with you you're thinking about them. Thinking about what they need, wondering if they're ok, planning lunch/dinner. Your mind/spirit/body is always working....so even if you don't feel like doing your mommy duties you have too. And you have to find some positive energy in you to do it with some graciousness and less crabbiness. So isn't it pretty much the same thing in a relationship? You don't really get personal time off. That person is always on your mind, you are concerned about their needs and thinking of ways to be happy and add to their happiness. Even when you don't feel like it. I believe the way to be a successful parent and partner is to remember that. And more importantly, to remember that with your partner. We sometimes lose the politeness and "obligatory niceties" with our mates because they are the ones we get naked with..so they can handle our unpleasant mood and indifferent behavior. But just as a relationship with your child/children can be hurt if you are constantly impatient, don't show love and act like they are generally a pain in your ***...your relationship with your partner can be hurt in the same way. It takes a lot of patience and prayer but we have to push ourselves to be better parents and better partners. And of course...take some time "to yourself by yourself" to rejuvenate your spirit..that is your personal time...and then return to your warm family circle to be the woman that you were called to be.