Except it's less than 30 days to my 40th!
Yep!
Already...I'm pretty excited!

Random items I'd like to get by/for my birthday:

• Green Chucks
• Henna Tattoo
• New underwear set(s)
• Makeup Forever
• Mac eyebrow pencil
• Shorts
• Sandals
• Gel Manicure
• Anthropologie Candle

Can't think of anything else...but I'm really wanting those green chucks like yesterday!

till the next time,
Egypt

1. Life goes on. In my twenties I didn't believe that. Everything was dramatic and a production. The endings of things were overwhelming for me.
2. There is so much more than meets the eye...in general. This could apply to a friend, a mate, a job, a situation. I've always tended to believe exactly what I see when in reality there is so much depth to people...to our situations that nothing can be taken at face value.
3. Actions speak louder than words. Yes. Instead of just listening to what someone is saying pay attention to actually what they are doing. I'll learn everything I need to know...in a short period of time.
4. Black is beautiful.
5. My legs are thick and carry me well. They're some kind of juicy and I should never be embarrased by them.
6. Think for myself. Don't allow others or institutions to think for me. It's ok to think outside the box..create my own box. People, especially my family, may find me odd or be disappointed but God gave me a brain for a reason. It's my right to discern what I've been taught.
7. Traveling should be mandatory. See the world. Experience different cultures. Soak in everything my eyes can see.
8. Money means nothing if I don't know how to manage it. 
9. Health is everything. Start good habits young. Figure out how to eat well but indulge every now and then. Start exercising and developing an exercise routine because I want to...not because I have to.
10. Good parents are gifts from God. At 19 I knew everything and my parents were so stupid. At 25 I started to realize just how brilliant they were. At 30 I began to thank them for their "stupidity."
11. Learn how to laugh.
12. Complaining won't change anything. Find a solution and do it.
13. Find my voice. Speak my peace. Be my own advocate...it's ok.
14. Don't "follow behind fashion" as my awesome dad would say.  In other words..do what works for me. If all of your friends move to the suburbs but you love the city..stay in the city. You all can visit one another. Do you!
15. Adventure in life is important.
16. Resentment is a killer. Let it go.
17. Don't take myself too seriously.
18. Say thank you..often.
19. Learn how to apologize.
20. Learn how to share.
21. Love...from the parts of you that are hidden..to your toes...to the hairs on your head...love that deeply..passionately....jump into love completely...But be smart.

till the next time..
Egypt

Time is approaching.
June 7th is almost here.
I'm continuing to see myself.
I see me.
Selfish.
The one character trait I despise.
I see it in me.
I recognize that I too possess selfishness.
What an eye opener.
It humbles me.
It embarrasses me.
It stops me in my tracks.
Selfish.
I always thought of myself as a giver
When in reality I give to myself first
And not always in a wholistic take care of myself kinda way.
Moreso in a ..... I'm doing me..you do you kinda way
Selfish.
I'm working on it.
Continuing to look inward and examine the hidden parts of myself
in order to bring them to light
Expose them to the sun
And peel back the layers of the old me
Allowing "me" to shine....

I hug him tightly every chance I get…breathing in his scents of caramel and play.


My lips are at home in the nape of his neck..I wait for the moment that his eyes lock with mine and he smiles.

My little boy.

My last little one.

I hold him so close and kiss him too much because I know he’ll only be a “baby” for a “blink of the eye longer” and he won’t have fat little legs  running and playing hide and seek.

No more…”bird”…him forming little words that get me so excited because I see he’s learning and growing.

But even in his growth I want to hold him just a bit longer. Let him remain my little Plus for just a second more.

He’ll stretch out like his brother before I’m aware of it and I’ll hear “mama, can I…”…”mama..i love you.” I’ll be fussing at him about school..and his chores…soon enough.

So till that time I love on him every chance that I get. I stare into those big round eyes all day if he lets me…I’ll wake up every few hours so he can get his milk. He’ll sleep in our bed for probably a bit longer than he should…

Because when you know your baby is the last one you’ll ever have..you treasure everything.

There are so many things about this little person that I absolutely adore.

• His face. It's all kinds of mischievous.
• His laugh. It's infectious and fills me up..completely.
• His energy. He runs at high speed 100% of the time.
• "Bird"..one of the few words he says..he points outside..bird..i love it!
• His little bow legs. I stare at him running around and I'm smitten with those thick bow legs.
• His cute little butt! Lol. Who can't resist a baby's boodie!
• The way he says "huh" when you call his name.
• His insistence at closing all doors that are open.
• The way he falls out when he can't get his way. I know this shouldn't be funny to me and I don't laugh in his face...but it tickles me.
• The way his face lights up when he sees his brothers.
• Those arms around me when he's finished his bottle and is falling asleep.
• His breath...the sound of him breathing...the gift of his life.

I love my 17 month old. I'm tired most days from waking at night and feeling hung over. There's no "sleeping in"....a quickie has taken a whole new meaning (i.e...nap)...my hand bag at any given moment has one shoe, one diaper (may be clean or dirty), a toy, a book and one sock but I wouldn't change this for the world...

till the next time,

egypt

If I could…I would have told my 29 year old self that him leaving is going to be the best thing that ever happened. I would have told her to keep her head up; be grateful for the experience and move on with that little 3 year old.

I would have said, “you are so strong…don’t you see that?”…”you are so pretty..don’t you see that?”….”you are so enough….there’s nothing to prove…” I would have taken her into a deep embrace and whispered these things in her ear..almost like a lover would.

I would have said beware of the times when loneliness feels alive but it’s really not. It’s a reminder that you are growing and stretching and waiting for the “divinely appointed him” to appear.

I would have warned her about false pride…reminding her that her self worth wasn’t measured by the size of her ass…the thickness of her legs…the sexual prowess….it was measured through her character..the loveliness that had always made her a lady.

If I could talk to this “29 year old me” we would have had a real girlfriend talk. It would have been a no holds…you “bout to get cussed out”….your feelings may be hurt…”I’m just keeping it real”..kinda conversation. Because I would have had to let her know areas where she was “tripping” and remind her just how magnificent the future would be…if only she would put one foot in front of the other…and start walking.


So I say to my 39 year old self…don’t wait until you’re 49 to reflect on what you could have said. Say it now. I am everything that I have always desired to be. I don’t owe anyone an explanation. I am strong enough. Pretty enough. Happy enough. …everything “enough” and then some.

I have growing to do. I have mistakes that have yet to be made but my eyes are open…my spirit is free. I am comfortable in my skin. There is nothing like the present. It should be passionate…this present moment that I’m in...and oh, it is!

My past is my greatest teacher and my future is an exciting unknown gift waiting to be opened….

till the next time,

egypt