I get attitudes with him because at times I don’t think I deserve him. When you’ve spent the majority of your adult life questioning your self worth, it takes a while to get used to being treated well. I’ve spent more time than I care to admit holding my breath..waiting for the other shoe to fall…knowing "ish" is going to hit the fan. I haven’t fully accepted…although at times I do…the fact that this is good. I question things that don’t need to be questioned. I look through items expecting….what? My worst nightmare…..


But in this moment I understand how self destructive that is; how much I am sabotaging my happiness…the health of my marriage with my self doubt. I had a man tell me once..all mean cheat..no man wants to be with one woman. That same man..walked in the house one day and declared…”I want to start dating other people”…1 year into our marriage.

So I know where part of my anxiety comes from but I have to challenge that false truth that my ex husband told me. I have to continue to fight the demon of self doubt and fear. I have to fully surrender and trust that “this is good”..because it is.

I have to remember that God has not given me a spirit of fear..but of love and power. I continue to pray for my individual growth as God continues to speak to me and show me just how much He has in store for me. It isn’t too late to start appreciating his blessings….

till the next time..
Egypt