Aren't we a narcissistic bunch? As people generally and as women specifically. We sometimes become so enamored with our own lives that we forget there is a world around us. We believe that we are in a soothing hookah smoked bubble where only our needs, pain, desires, unhappiness and childhood issues matter. We simply forget or we don't care. And we like to use that delightful phrase, "I've been so busy...." I have used it myself. "I'm sorry I didn't call, I've been so busy." "I'm sorry I couldn't make it, I've been so busy." And of course when we say that we really mean it because after all...we are so busy..with life. We all have work to do, issues to resolve, unhappiness to slay, poor habits to overcome. Some of us are full time students and parents and partners and maintain a 40 hour plus work week. And that is busy! But the fact of the matter is that when we want to do something we find a way or make a way to do it. My mother would always say, "people find time for what they want." At the time she said this to me I was trying to explain to her "just how busy my 20 something year old boyfriend with no job was" and why he couldn't call me more often. *sigh* I don't want to be so self absorbed. Even at my darkest moments when I feel hollow inside I need to, remember that it's not all about me. I can see past my tears. I can extend myself to someone who may need me. I can do it even if I don't want to and Even if I'm busy.
Those all seem to be my methods of communication. I will speak around a topic to get to my point. And it's not that I'm long winded I just have a difficult time being straightforward. It makes me wonder how does one recreate their method or style of communication; or is it necessary to do so? It takes all types to communicate in our little universe. We all speak a different language and have different ways of saying the same things. A part of our individual growth process is evaluation...what works for me...what areas can I improve...what habits do I need to let go of. Doing this self inventory will keep you grounded and help you continually reach for and strive for excellence. I am not a straight shooter. That is difficult for me. But I can see the benefit in being more direct. I know this and I can work at it to develop into the complete woman that I yearn to be.
My love and I are no home makeover professionals. Neither of us are proficient in the art of painting walls or replacing faucets or toilet seats (yuck:-(). I would rather pay someone for their services to get my walls just the right color of honey mango tango or replace my floors with bamboo. He would rather just save the money. But somehow we have found ourselves painting our rooms and he even taught himself how to put up blinds and replace faucets and toilet seats (yuck :-(). Our work is not perfect but I would have it no other way. Whenever I look at our imperfect paint jobs I am reminded that we took the time to do it together and in doing so we bonded and created an emotional memory and attachment to something so mundane. By doing it together it becomes a part of our history. It is our own labor of love that we can look at with pride knowing that it's just a small indication that there's nothing we can't accomplish together.
Diamonds are formed primarily by intense pressure over long periods of time. Sometimes when life becomes too much and you feel like you've reached the end of your rope, think of a diamond. "Diamonds are formed when enough pressure is produced ninety miles under the earth's surface, along with temperatures of 2200 degrees Fahrenheit. Without these particular conditions, diamonds can't be formed." (http://ezinearticles.com/?How-Are-Diamonds-Formed&id=405139). So without these conditions it would be impossibe for something as priceless and precious as a diamond to be created. Could it be that we need the same type of pressure and emotional temperatures to erupt into the diamond that we are? We ask, why me? Why can't I find the good man, or good job? Why do other women seem to have "all the luck" or appear to have it so easy? Why is my life this way? When will my trials be over? But when you reformulate "your life being this way" you will see how you are being formed. Your character is being developed, your passion is being fine tuned, your creativity is being created. You are being fashioned into something exquisite and rare. Your experiences..the conditions of your life...are shaping you. You have to believe that there is a diamond waiting to shine from within. And though it may take some time it is necessary for your creation and in time your diamond will breakthrough the surface and dazzle brightly.....
So here's how the story goes. Boy meets girl. Girl and boy have a baby or two together. Boy and girl part ways. Boy meets another girl. Boy already has baby or two. Girl now has another baby or two to love. And that's where it begins. That's where and how love becomes blended. It's like a really well made concoction of fruits, nuts and berries...or coffee, caramel and whipped cream...a cornucopia of love! It is the combination of families..one child here, one daddy there..another mommy in the home. It's trying to find just the right combination of love, courage and patience for all involved. Children have to learn to love new adults who aren't their biological parents. Adults have to grow in love for children that aren't a part of their genetic makeup. It's blended. Love all blended together until the titles of "step" this and "half" that..are blurred out and what is left is a family.
...special thanks to my love's mother, ms. gwen, who shared the term "blended love" with him who in turn shared it with me.....
...special thanks to my love's mother, ms. gwen, who shared the term "blended love" with him who in turn shared it with me.....
Shopping.....hmmm...the lascivious act of spending money. It can invoke joy if you're careful with it. Shop for anything. Shop for yourself. Shop for your mother. Shop for your niece. Pick up that book you've been dying to read. Buy a frilly piece of lingerie. Buy a scoop of coffee flavored icecream with caramel on top. Shop for a new type of wine. Shop for those one of a kind earrings. Buy your pet a new toy. Buy strawberry flavored lubricant. Buy grapes, apples, watermelon, blackberries, blueberries and kiwi. Shop for the biggest brightest sunflowers. Aren't you feeling joyful just imagining what you can buy?
I tripped. Being the clumsy butterfly that I am I stumbled and tripped and...fell..in love? Is that how it happens? Is it by accident or per chance that we fall in love? I have the suspicion and maybe not so popular opinion that it's by choice. The energy and chemistry that we feel and share with someone is not by choice. It is an organic experience. But as we get to learn and know someone we start to develop more intense feelings and we begin to feel...feel the beginnings of something. I believe there is a crossroad before we fall with reckless abandon into love and where we hold back, just a bit, for reasons of our own. We can see warning signs with someone and decide to ignore them; open our heart, our mind, our spirit to them and completely fall flat on our face in love with them. Then there are times that the warning signs may not be glaring but we save a piece of ourselves because of past hurts and wounds that are still healing. We all will fall in love one day. For many women there have been numerous experiences of falling in love. But as we grow wiser maybe we should be a bit more cautious about who we lay spirit naked before and surrender our emotions to completely. Let our wisdom be a guide in our choice to be in love. And when we do make that choice it's like free falling ...but we know when we land there will be safety and not fear of crashing.
