Egypt
 |
Graduation Day
|
My little boy, Yahoshua, graduated from 5th grade yesterday. I was very excited and tearful at the same time. Although it's just him moving from elementary school to middle school it was emotional for me because it signaled change. He really isn't my "little boy" or "my baby" any longer. He is becoming a young man and will start to create his own life experiences and begin maturing in ways I can't imagine. It seems just the other day I was carrying him deep in my womb and singing and talking to him; wondering just what he would look like and who he would be. Now, here he is...growing up and changing right in front of my eyes. Amazing and beautiful at the same time. I'm so proud to be his mother and embrace the many other ceremonies in his life that will signal change.
Egypt
you look down and you can't see your va jay jay...
Egypt
As I continue on this pregnancy journey there are so many things that I think about. So many character gifts that I would love for my child to have and other human traits that I pray about daily.
We, as humans, are all liars by nature. We lie by omission. We lie to ourselves. We lie by default. We lie in a pickle and sometimes just because. Some of us are better at it than others. I, for one, have a difficult time telling a lie. When I was a child I used to lie so badly that my mother would look at me in amazement as if to say..is that really the best that you could do?
It's just not in me to lie blatantly, bold face, with a reckless abandon. Now, of course I have told lies before.I've lied to myself about so many things. I've told that "little white lie" to leave work early or not go to school when I was younger. I've said to someone that the meal was delicious when I barely was able to stomach it without vomiting. Yes, I have and am a liar at times. But it's something that I work on daily. Even the little lies add up...so it's best to really do away, as much as possible, with the whole act.
I pray for my child's character. I pray that the spirit of deceit and the ability to lie without batting an eye is not something he or she will inherit. I pray that he or she understands the importance of speaking the truth. I pray they grow in wisdom and understanding that it is not admirable to lie to those you love to save them from harsh truths. I want them to understand that there is nothing more damaging to the human spirit than to know that the person they loved looked them squarely in the eye and perpetuated deceit. I pray for their truth.
I think about these things knowing that he or she will have their own path. I know the character in this baby has to be groomed and shaped and prayed over. I know as a mother it is my responsibility to feed their soul well and to provide him or her with the good nutrients spiritually, emotionally and holistically he or she will need to be that honest person.
And as I pray that their character is constantly shaped into the likeness of God it will also help me in my growth to be the woman I was called to be....
Egypt
I'm a sensitive thing. I love hard. I forgive easily. I'm often emotionally naked. I make myself vulnerable without batting a eye. I put myself out there.
And when my feelings get hurt because I feel someone has taken advantage of me in anyway or taken my openness for granted then I close up. I completely dry up. I shut down. I'm quick to say..it's ok but inside it stings like crazy.
I have to learn that if someone doesn't respond to me in the way that I'd imagine or expect because of my emotional generosity it really is ok. It doesn't make them a bad person. It doesn't make me stupid for being vulnerable. It means they are not ready to receive what I have to give emotionally. And that really is ok.
I have to learn what to do from there. I have to really understand that you let it be. Don't take it personally and don't condemn that person. Allow it to be.
But that's the most difficult part for me.....
|
Egypt
Plus 1. That's the nickname for our little baby. We call our three children the
SKY team {
Safi, Kemet,
Yahoshua} and this baby makes..plus one. Cute, right?
So in the last 17 weeks my life has been quite interesting....my appetite has been up and down and my cravings have ranged from the most healthy snacks to a random assortment of preservatives and additives..in other words..junk!
The first few weeks I couldn't get enough french fries, grilled cheese and strawberrypeachpineapple soda. Oh my goodness! I usually don't even drink the stuff but me and Fanta had a deep rooted love affair for a while. And the vegetarian in me was on some preadolescence..turbulent teen..rebellious stage. Now, to set the record straight, I did not indulge in any meat but Lord how I wanted to. My desires..my lustful wants ranged everywhere from a Nathan's hot dog..
which I've never had..to pepperoni..
which I've never had..to a big ole juicy hamburger..
which I've also never had. Do you see a particular theme? I craved all the meats that even in my days of carnivorism [i know that's not a word!], I didn't indulge in...Weird.
Just the other day we were eating at a restaurant and my son was devouring a plate of hot buffalo wings [which I've never had...]. The smell overpowered me. It took everything in me and the restraint of my husband not to leap over the table and devour the entire plate...I could see myself..on the table [of course] ingesting as quickly as possible every single piece of chicken that was on that plate. My son laughed at me when I told him both he and the chicken were in big trouble. He then suggested I try some. When I told him that I didn't eat a piece of meat when I was preggers with him he politely reminded me that that's why he has various birthmarks on his body shaped like chicken wings...
This little baby is something else.
But luckily my most recent obsession has been for mangoes, watermelon, kiwi's, sparkling water and almost anything with lemon in it.
Overall, I'm starting to feel a lot more like myself. I'm less cranky and irritable [unless I don't eat] and I'm really enjoying my belly starting to poke out. It's cute and the hubby can't seem to get enough of it...
