I need a detox. A good cleaning. Something that will scrub out all decay and extra waste and leave me squeaky clean. I need something that will require committment and time. I want a detox that will leave me feeling 10 pounds lighter.

I need to detox my mind.

From foolishness.
and worry.
from insecurity.
And unhappiness.

If I fill my mind with unhealthy information it becomes cluttered and a wasteland of toxic emotions and energy. But if I take the time to clean it out then I'm left with a new perspective and higher energy.

In order to detox my mind this week I plan to reduce my TV intake tremendously. Usually the TV is one while I'm working as white noise in the background. What's on though is usually a Judge show or the news. Neither are good for my sanity. I also plan to reduce my Internet browsing significantly. Sometimes too much of anything is not a good thing. So while I enjoy reading about natural hair and fashion, the overkill on my mind can lead to feelings of want and/or insecurity. I also plan to read nightly. Instead of watching something senseless to help me fall asleep I will pick up one of the many lovely books in my home.

What we put into our bodies comes out in one form or the other. What we put into our minds does the same thing. A healthy diet shows in glowing skin; a healthy mind diet shows in happiness. Inner happiness is the result of feeding your mind and spirit on a daily basis.

I'm up for this challenge to live a happier, brighter and light life....

Sunday evenings are my favorite day of the week. During this time the clothes have been washed and put away. The home smells like fabric softener. The kitchen is clean asides from dinner dishes. The candles are lit and the house smells like lavender, mango and a hit of nag champa here and there. Usually there is something old playing on the radio. Yes, the radio. Not the Ipod. Everyone is still and ready for the week to begin. I'm at peace although Monday morning looms around the corner. My son is at home and happy. He's had a good weekend with fresh memories. My husband is loving me and kissing me on the neck as we make dinner. All is well in my world.

But so am I. Selfish. For the longest time I wanted to blame this seemingly flawed but human trait on his father. He has to get that selfishness from him....of course. But he is selfish because I made him that way.

I have loved my son so hard that I gave to him at times without regard. For the most part he is an only child so I've given in to many whims and fancies because he was my baby boy. For a long time his chores were minimal and even then I didn't demand that he do them regularly. I was loving him; that was how I justified my misbehavior.

So when my 11 year old seems ungrateful and when he behaves selfishly I have to reflect on myself. At 11 years old he is my reflection. He behaves the way he's been raised. So if he behaves selfishly and without gratitude its because that's how he's been groomed.

How humbling and humiliating it is to admit this. But how necessary it is to make changes! I am responsible for who he will grow into. Every day I have to demand greatness from him and that may come at the expense of telling him NO and making sure he follows through with tasks. The best way that I can love him is to show him not in gifts and gadgets but in discipline. The only way he will learn about consequences and about boundaries is through his parents.

This is my task as his mother.



Anthropologie Dress


If I could, I would have a pretty dress for each day of the year. And I would wear each and every one of them too. From frilly sundresses with lady like petticoats underneath to warm sweater dresses that hug every curve and leave little to the imagination. I would live in a dress on a daily basis. I would do mundane tasks like grocery shopping and getting gas in something turquoise blue or sunshine yellow. Or maybe I'd go to the dentist in an aquamarine Maxi dress with a freshly painted pedicure. My regular yearly Pap Smear wouldn't be such a chore if what I wore was frilly. In my mind there is nothing better than a dress to make your day a little brighter....

This is my second marriage. The first one lasted for a tumultuous 4 years; 2 of which we actually lived together. He fathered my son, my wonderful 11 year old that I would give my heart to if he needed it. There was so much in that marriage that taught me. I loved hard and I learned hard and today I don't speak to him.


So in getting married for another time I became afraid. Although I've loved my husband for as far back as I've known him I was scared. I was terrified of the "what ifs". My what ifs were actual experiences for me. I knew what it felt like for a husband to leave. For him to declare he didn't want "to do this anymore." I knew the sound of a door closing for the last time. Those were real life experiences; not anxiety soaked fears.


I'm still a newlywed but in the following days of my nuptials I felt fear that this bad thing called divorce could happen again. I was struck by the fact that it.could.happen.again. And then what would I do? I let my fears hold me hostage for a few days and for no reason.


What I learned from my first marriage was that marriage actually takes work. Marriage actually takes forethought; it requires preparation. It isn't a dress rehearsal for someone you're having a good time with but you couldn't imagine having children with. It's being with someone and wishing you could bear their child, even if it meant 36 long hours of labor and stretch marks to your knees. It is forever. It demands that you trust each other.


Marriage makes you admit YOUR faults and shortcomings. It changes you. It requires that you actually like..not just love...your spouse. It is a decision. It is a choice. The kind of marriage you have is a daily choice. You are responsible for what your marriage looks like; how it grows; whether it flourishes and if it will die.

I also learned that marriage is actually fun. There should be private jokes between the two of you; times when you laugh so hard you almost pee on yourself. It's finding the silliness in each other and giggling at times when you shouldn't. It's having your best friend around all of the time with the perks of having sex with them! It's exploring and growing and learning....together.

I learned that. I had to remind myself that I learned these valuable lessons in my first marriage to help me understand what a marriage is and what I needed to do to achieve success. Throughout the past few weeks of being a Mrs my anxiety has subsided. Slowly but surely it is falling to the wayside. I realize that I have all the power in me to grow old with my Mr.

So on the topic of remarriage....use the lessons you learned. Forgive your spouse even though it is difficult. Let go of your painful memories. Grow into your new memories and embrace them. Be thankful for those experiences that helped you to become the spouse you are today. I have, and for this I am so grateful....